At his high school reunion, Peter tries to impress his fellow classmates. When Peter, heading for the bathroom, charges through the crowd of people, impresses quarterback Tom Brady, who offers Peter a spot on the New England Patriots. Meanwhile, Brian owes Stewie money, after Stewie becomes a sports bookie.

Chris is approached to join the military. Brian goes to the recruiting headquarters to voice his opinion, when Stewie signs himself and Brian up for the military. They pass Boot Camp and are shipped to Iraq, where they try to get honorably discharged by doing anything they can. Meanwhile, Chris decides to join a goth band.

After Peters dad, Francis, dies, Thelma tells him that his real father actually lives in Ireland. So Peter and Brian decide to head there in search of his father, who ends up being the town drunk. They decide to play a drinking game to prove his paternity. Meanwhile, Stewie acts out and Lois spanks him. Realizing that he likes being spanked, Stewie does whatever he can to get into trouble.

Peter convinces Brian to move in with his girlfriend Jillian and Stewie tags along to help pay the rent but he tries to interfere with their relationship. Meanwhile Meg and Chris get jobs at the convenience store where Chris befriends the manager Carl who leaves Meg to do all the work. Carl soon fires her and promotes Chris to the co-boss.

Dissatisfied with his current love life, Brian decides to slow things down when he meets the girl of his dreams, Carolyn. However, Cleveland soon sweeps Carolyn off her feet, and Brian must do anything he can do, to win her back, even if it means involving Cleveland's ex-wife, Loretta.

Peter finds an old winning raffle ticket from 1989 that entitles him a golf outing with O.J. Simpson. After befriending him, Peter brings O.J. home home to meet the family. However, the people of Quahog aren't too fond of the former running back.

Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd move to Quahog. Brian and Stewie find out about their secret agency. They are told that there are Russian Sleeper Cells all over US. They go talk to Mayor West, and find out he is one of the sleeper cells. They follow Mayor West to Russia where they disable a nuke aimed at the US.

Brian gets a gig writing for a teen magazine about the average American girl, but when he starts trailing Meg for research he discovers that her desperate attempts at dating have led her to a guy in the slammer. When Brian tries to expose Meg’s secret to the family, he finds out that her boyfriend, Luke, has broken out of jail and has been hiding in the Griffin’s house.

After Peter catches Carter having an affair, he is forced into keeping a secret. But when Peter accidentally spills the beans, Lois' mom demands a divorce, and Peter is in charge of Carter's return to bachelorhood.

Chris's search for a new hobby leads him to befriend a puppeteer named Franz, until his checkered past is revealed.