Stan finds Deputy Director Bullock, his supervisor, starting a relationship with Hayley. However, he can't risk saying or doing anything about it because he's up for a promotion at the CIA. Meanwhile, Steve finds Dick Cheney's BlackBerry and uses the contact numbers to play pranks on political figures from around the world.

When Steve brings home a permission slip to take sex ed at school, Stan flips out and demands to teach it himself. However, after Stan unrealistically explains the birds and the bees to Steve, he gets into an accident that causes him to take matters into his own hands. Meanwhile, Roger becomes a bartender in hopes of making something of himself.

When the CIA organizes a father-son baseball game, Stan is determined to show his co-workers that his son is masculine and athletic. Unfortunately, Steve is a geek, so Stan decides to lie and ditches him. But after getting a taste of his own treatment at work, Stan turns to Steve and his sci-fi knowledge to help capture a cyber-terrorist. Meanwhile, Roger goes incognito in a desperate attempt to interact with humans.

When Stan's father passes away, Stan reveals his real father is actually Jack Smith, a super suave spy. Jack convinces Stan to quit the CIA and work with him at the Scarlet Alliance, an ultra-secret spy group. Francine is upset with Stan, who is busy training with Jack for a mission involving uranium, artwork and terrorists. But when the FBI shows up at the Smiths' house looking for an international jewel thief, Francine suspects Jack is the fake.

Stan has to throw a party for his boss and assumes his wife Francine will do all the work, but she refuses. With Stan as party planner, the event turns into a disaster. As a result, Stan's boss relocates Stan and his family to Saudi Arabia, where they quickly get a taste of life on foreign ground. As American and Arabian social norms clash, gender wars heat up.

As the Smiths continue to live in Saudi Arabia, Stan is fully enjoying the male-dominated society, while the rest of the family struggles with the different social norms. Meanwhile, Francine's musical expos on gender roles gets her into trouble, and a brush with death leads the Smiths to return to the United States.

Francine insists that Stan and Hayley spend an entire day together, after their arguments drive her crazy, so they can work out their differences about gun control. However, her plan backfires when he takes Hayley to the "National Gun Association Land," where their conflicting opinions about gun control drive them even further apart. Back home, Roger schemes to get revenge on Steve for eating one of his cookies by convincing him that he's adopted.

Steve becomes a famous author, and the entire family gets caught up in his celebrity, including Stan, who becomes an unbearable "stage parent." After Steve hooks up with an agent, he abandons his family to lead a "Cribs" lifestyle.

As Stan continues to dominate the household, Francine finds herself idolizing a group of women who seem to have it all. She tries to impress them and even lies in order to gain acceptance into their group, until she realizes they aren't as perfect as they seem. Meanwhile, loyalties are tested when Stan gets a new best friend.

After Stan and Roger have a rough day, they get into a fight that leads to a "Freaky Friday"-type switcheroo where they get a taste of life in each other's shoes. But after the excitement of a new life stales, they face each other's problems as Roger is under pressure at work and Stan yearns to be needed. The swap gets out of hand as the family starts to crumble.

After receiving a hefty bonus from work, Stan buys extravagant gadgets while Francine pleads for her dream kiosk. Upset about his lack of support, Francine opens a muffin shop without his approval and gives Stan a taste of life without a housewife. In a desperate move, Stan puts Klaus' brain back into a human body – only to discover it was a huge mistake as Klaus tries to win over Francine. Meanwhile, Steve is convinced he's a teen wolf after watching a horror film.

Because of a past incident at his own prom, where he was lured into a dance with the homecoming queen only to have a pile of pigs dropped on him, Stan wants revenge by showing off that he married a homecoming queen, Francine. A proud Stan accompanies Francine to her reunion, but when they find out that two ballots were lost and that Francine didn’t actually win the crown, Stan is devastated. Meanwhile, a dejected Steve is “saved” by a pizza delivery man with a Messianic message.

When Stan goes to Atlantic City for a bachelor party and is shunned by his so-called best friend, Roger steps in and becomes Stan's new sidekick. Their friendship goes to a whole new level, but when they return home and face Francine, Stan realizes that what happens in Atlantic City doesn't necessarily stay there. Meanwhile, Hayley and Steve team up to break up a good-looking couple.

Stan wants Steve to be popular and goes to desperate measures giving him steroids to make him bigger, better, and part of the in-crowd at school. But when the steroids have an unexpected side effect, Steve gets a lot more attention than anyone expected. Meanwhile, after Hayley makes a movie about Francine's life as a housewife, Francine is determined to start a new career as a doctor.

After Steve shows a lack of interest in Stan's job, Stan replaces him with Barry, Steve's malicious friend. Barry frames Steve to eliminate him from the household, but when Steve discovers Barry's weakness, he relies on his CIA skills to save the family. Meanwhile, Roger takes an impressive keg-stand and uses it to become a fraternity brother.

When Francine's birthday brings back haunting memories of a celebrity film moment stolen by George Clooney, Francine's new dream is to destroy the star. But when she tries to win Clooney's heart with the intention of breaking it, Stan actually falls for him and sabotages the plan. Meanwhile, back at home, Roger builds a vineyard and starts up a private sweat shop of foster children.

When Stan tries to trick Steve into attending summer camp, things go horribly wrong and Steve ends up in a refugee camp. However, Stan, being the eternal optimist, joins Steve and manages to stage a camp Olympics between the refugees and the rebel faction living across the river.

Stan realizes his own weight problem after he criticizes Steve about his new, overweight girlfriend, so he goes overboard with exercising, and develops anorexia. Steve realizes that his overweight girlfriend is the root of his father's problems, and he has to make a hard choice in an effort to save his father's life.

Stan loses his confidence, and his job, when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.

Stan has his heart set on speaking at the Republican National Convention on behalf of the Langley chapter, but when they pass him up for another candidate, he accepts the only endorsement he gets from the local chapter of Gay Republicans. While the people around him disapprove of his new lifestyle choice, Stan decides to follow his heart to speak on their behalf.

After Francine tells Stan she's looking for excitement in their marriage, Stan gets in the driver's seat and becomes involved in drag racing to spice things up. Meanwhile, Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend, Jeff, who is emotionally crushed until he joins Steve's world of online gaming. When Hayley finds out, she tries to sabotage their fun.

When Steve's new relationship with his girlfriend gives Francine empty nest syndrome, she tries to convince Stan to have another baby. Meanwhile, Roger tries to enroll in college with Haley in order to experience college life, but while Roger ends up teaching the class, Haley finds a new crush in her classmate Ethan (Elijah Woods), who turns out to be far from normal.

When Francine discovers Stan's secret, decades-old passion for competitive figure skating, she decides to be supportive and becomes his pairs partner until Stan's competitive nature gets the best of him and he ditches her for a new partner. Meanwhile, Steve's classmate Snot finds new respect among his peers when he parades his mail-order bride around the playground.

When Roger helps Steve see that his father isn't as smart as he always believed, the power-hungry pair set their sights on fame and fortune in New York City. It doesn't take long for Roger to lose everything on Wall Street, and Steve contemplates prostitution after Jon Stewart shoots down his comedy routine. Meanwhile, the rest of the family is certain that the two have just run away to the tree house, so when it explodes in a lightning storm, they are devastated, but console themselves with Steve's college fund.

When an injunction prevents Langley Falls from lighting their annual Christmas tree, Stan blames secular non-believers for ruining his favorite holiday. With Stan's holiday spirit at an all-time low, the Ghost of Christmas Past visits him and tries to show him the true meaning of Christmas. However, Stan is convinced that Christmas can be saved by changing the outcome of Vietnam, but finds that changing the past only dramatically changes the future.

When Stan enters an essay contest to have his personal hero, President Bush, come over for dinner, he is overcome with joy when the President arrives at his doorstep. However, not everyone in the Smith family shares Stan's excitement. Hayley tries to drill President Bush on the Iraq war, and Steve and Roger attempt to convince him that they've found Osama Bin Laden, but instead get him drunk. Stan tries to save the President from public humiliation, while Hayley revels in his fall from glory.

When Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor. Meanwhile, Hayley sees her father's new business model as an atrocity and takes matters into her own hands by calling Uncle Sam.

When Roger is rejected by Steve, who seems to be over him, Roger heads out in search of a new human companion. But when this new friend starts to abuse Roger and the relationship turns into a lot of excuses and sorry's, Steve and Hayley scheme to get Roger out of the bad relationship and back home where he belongs. Meanwhile, Stan tours the Mr. Pibb factory and meets the man himself.

While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.

Stan arrives late to a CIA nuclear drill and thinks it's real. He decides to move the family into the mountains to survive the apocalypse. Even though he realizes his error, he begins to enjoy the attention that he gets from the family so much that he doesn't tell them the truth. However, when the family meets a mountain man and learns the truth, Stan has some explaining to do.

Stan sets Bullock up on a date with one of Francine's friends. Fearing that Francine will be right about the outcome of the date, Stan goes to great lengths to make sure it goes well by getting everyone drunk. Unfortunately, Bullock accidentally kills the woman, to which Stan frames Francine for the murder in order to keep her from asking so many questions.

After Stan discovers that Francine has a secret sex garden, he feels like their marriage may be crumbling. Looking to rekindle their romance, Francine asks for a divorce so that Stan can experience life as a bachelor again, and both learn a valuable lesson in love. Meanwhile, addicted to an energy drink, Steve finds himself panhandling in the streets to support his new habit.

When Stan brings home CIA equipment designed to eavesdrop on conversations, he finds out that his neighbors don't think too highly of him. In retaliation, Stan has the entire neighborhood evicted so that he can live free of any criticism. However, when an unexpected friend comes to his rescue, he realizes that gossip is a two-way street.

After Stan is prosecuted for sending contaminated cattle to a slaughterhouse, he says that it began as a quest to make a man out of Steve. Meanwhile, Roger sparks a cat fight between Francine and Hayley, for reasons of his own.

Roger becomes a bounty hunter, and he and Stan race cross-country to turn in Jeff, who is wanted for smuggling pot into Florida.

Francine demands that Stan take the family on a vacation after she learns all of their previous vacations never actually happened: The CIA had planted artificial memories of the "vacations" in their brains so Stan could ditch them. Meanwhile, Roger wants to be a thespian.

After Stan punches a male meter maid during a disagreement over a parking ticket, a judge sentences him to two weeks of community service--as a meter maid. Meanwhile, Hayley poses in the nude for an art class, where one of the artists turns out to be Roger.

Stan prays for a friend and one is provided: a guy named Brett who's like him in every way but one--he's an atheist. So Stan has some evangelizing to do. Meanwhile, Steve is accepted into wizardry school.

Stan seeks out Francine's birth parents because her visiting adoptive parents annoy him so much. But they don't annoy Steve, especially after they give him fireworks.

Stan, who had Hayley brainwashed because he wanted her to be a sleeper CIA agent, activates her and orders her to marry a senator's son. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve decide to open a detective agency like the ones in the '70s TV shows they have been watching.

Although Stan is a veteran CIA agent, it turns out that he has never killed anyone, so three of his buddies from the agency (and Roger) take him out so he can bag his "first kill."

Terry and Greg, the Smiths' gay neighbors, want to have a baby, and Francine offers to be their surrogate. Not surprisingly, Stan objects. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play a practical joke on Klaus, who vows revenge.

Stan dies on Christmas Eve while trying to find a perfect Christmas tree, then wreaks havoc in heaven (and limbo) trying to return to Earth to save his family--who were dragged along on his quest--from freezing to death in the woods.

Stan and Francine give the constantly nasty Roger an ultimatum: Be nice or ship out. Meanwhile, Klaus and Hayley play truth or dare, and Steve decides to become a backup dancer.

A James Bond spoof casts Stan as a 007-type agent assigned by B (Bullock) to infiltrate the set of a movie producer named TchochkieSchmear (Klaus), who's in cahoots with the diabolical villain Tearjerker (Roger). Their plan? To kill everyone in the world by making movies so sad, people will cry themselves to death.

When Stan's mom gets dumped by yet another boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support, which he willingly provides (yet again). Francine, feeling threatened, seeks to loosen this umbilical cord, with Roger's help. Meanwhile, Klaus inadvertently gives Steve a fish disease called "ick."

Francine wants Stan to open up emotionally, and after a few sessions with "pretend psychiatrist" Roger, he's more touchy-feely than she can handle. Meanwhile, Hayley kills the queen bee from Steve's science project, and he vows vengeance.

Stan hunts for an ex-KGB agent but can't find him--until he moves in next door. And Steve is building a rocket for a school science project, but can't get it to work--until he gets some help from his new next-door neighbor. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head off on a European vacation.

After outing himself as an alien, Roger (in disguise) finagles his way into being appointed the CIA's chief alien hunter to take advantage of a lavish expense account--while coming up just short in attempts to catch himself. Meanwhile, Francine shocks her family by displaying a prejudice they never knew she had.

After almost dying in a car crash, Stan decides that he must do something important with his life, so he digs for the gold he claims Iran-Contra figure Oliver North buried beneath his house. Meanwhile, Roger poses as a sexually provocative female office worker, hoping he'll be harassed so he can sue over it.

Francine is out of town, giving Roger an opportunity to host spring break at the Smith house for visiting college students, one of whom becomes the straying Stan's "spring-break buddy." Meanwhile, cable music-channel host Carmen Selectra decides she wants to make Steve her sexual conquest.

It's Roger's 1600th birthday, but the Smiths are too freaked out by Steve's impending puberty to celebrate. So Roger decides to make his own birthday fun.

Roger plays detective to track down a case of what he suspects is identity theft. Meanwhile, the Smith family gets sucked into a mean game of Simon Says.

Bullock makes Stan his "No. 1" at the CIA, a promotion that makes the furious Francine the "No. 1" babysitter for Bullock's baby son. Bullock needs someone to watch the kid because his wife's been kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents.

Stan learns that Francine was engaged to another man before she met him, and tracks the guy down to size him up. Meanwhile, Steve can't stay away from a schizophrenic cat that literally has nine lives.

Steve plots revenge after girlfriend Debbie loses a very dirty election for class president. But it backfires badly.

Hayley goes on a rampage after her boyfriend breaks up with her, but she calms down when she begins dating Stan's CIA body double, Bill. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger get jobs separating male and female chicks at a Chinatown hatchery.

Stan emcees a CIA telethon to raise funds for the agency's torture budget after Congress slashed it. But Roger is out to sabotage it because Stan stole the idea for it from him.

When Steve suffers indignities in school because of the back brace he must wear for his scoliosis, Stan confides in him that he wears a wig to cover his baldness. Meanwhile, Roger invites both Francine and Hayley to a posh spa even though he has only two passes.

Stan is ecstatic--and energetic--when a coworker gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night.

The Smiths catch Roger spending time with another family--and it turns out that he has been a family "cheater" for decades.

When Langley Falls bans trans fats, Stan and Steve become smugglers. Meanwhile, Klaus gets word that he has received an inheritance but can't collect it because the CIA has turned him into a fish.

When Stan forgets to pick up grenadine at the grocery store, Roger goes ballistic and vows to get him back by taking over a project close to his heart--the Homeowner’s Association.

Steve connects with his ne'er-do-well paternal grandfather, whom Stan despises for many reasons, not the least of which is that he never taught him to ride a bike. Meanwhile, Hayley must find an internship quickly, so Roger hires her to tend his bar.

Steve and his friends sabotage a stuck-up kid's bar mitzvah after the kid hits on Steve's girlfriend, Debbie. But when Snot is wrongly accused of stealing the kid's bar-mitzvah money, his own bar mitzvah is put in jeopardy.

Stan is kidnapped in Colombia, but the real trouble begins after he's released and returns home. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play detective duo "Wheels and the Legman."

Steve and Stan, who don't have much in common, try to bond on a road trip to Albuquerque in search of a pair of the distinctive DeLorean doors to complete a car that Stan has been building. Meanwhile, Roger, Hayley and Francine decide to have an adventure of their own, but they can't decide what to do.

Steve joins a football team to please Stan, who then takes over as coach and gives Steve the boot because he isn't good enough. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley vie for a blue ribbon at the county fair.

Roger declares that he was sent to Earth to be "the decider" of humanity's fate, and Stan challenges him on it.

Francine and Stan swap spouses with their gay neighbours Terry and Greg when Terry's dad, a former football player who doesn't know that his son is gay, arrives for a visit. Meanwhile, Steve goes on a drunken bender.

Stan leaves Francine at home to go out with the boys, but guys' night out goes from wild to reckless when Stan finds himself in one compromising situation after another. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley use their charm and looks to attract a frat boy.