Patsy becomes the subject of a tabloid sex scandal following an affair with a married MP. Edina checks into a hospital for surgery after injuring her big toe. Patsy tags along, planning to undergo a chemical peel in preparation for her interview with Hello! magazine. While anesthetised, Edina dreams that she is on her deathbed, surrounded by idealised versions of family and friends, while Patsy envisions herself looking young for her Hello! spread. Edina awakens to find that her pains were caused by a stray acupuncture needle that worked its way from her cranium to her toe. Meanwhile, a botched facelift leaves Patsy's face covered in burns. The Hello! spread is also a disaster, with the article reporting Patsy's age as 49, blaming her for the sex scandal and revealing her horrific facelift.

Edina and Patsy travel to Marrakech for a photo shoot. They are accompanied by Saffron, who is interested in studying the local indigenous peoples for school. There, Edina and Patsy meet up with an old friend, Humphrey, who sexually harasses Saffron. At dinner, it is revealed that in the 1970s, Patsy spent a year living as a man until "it fell off", according to Edina. The following day, during a shopping trip to an outdoor bazaar, a spiteful Patsy decides to sell Saffron to white slavers. Edina and Patsy later go to the photo shoot location, but when no one shows up, they end up lost in the desert. After wandering around for a day or two, the pair are rescued as they stumble upon Saffron, who is wearing a burqa. They spend the last few days of their trip drugged and unconscious, while it is implied that Saffron had a secret dalliance with Humphrey's houseboy.

Edina frantically organises her cluttered house in order to host old friends Bettina and Max, who were once obsessed with minimalism. Feeling ignored by Edina, Patsy leaves in search of another lunch partner. When Bettina and Max arrive, Edina is disappointed to learn that they are now the hysterical, neurotic parents of a newborn baby. As the couple wreak havoc, Edina quickly leaves the house. At a restaurant, Edina and Patsy compete against each other by attempting to befriend famous people: Patsy invites herself to lunch with Britt Ekland and Zandra Rhodes, while Edina forces her client Lulu to have lunch with her. Both lunches end awkwardly. Back home, while Saffron and Mother comfort Bettina, they hear Edina and Max having sex over the baby monitor. After the couple finally leave the intended result of Edina's fling she and Patsy make peace.

Edina discovers that both Marshall and Justin have cut off their alimony payments. After Saffron conspires with Edina's accountant, Edina is led to believe that she is poor, and reluctantly agrees to reduce her expenses. However, during a trip to the supermarket, she and Patsy fill three trolleys with groceries and steal a crate of champagne. Edina's "smaller" Alfa Romeo car is impounded outside Harvey Nichols, and the pair are later arrested for driving under the influence and several other charges, including assault and shoplifting. On the day of the trial, Edina goes on a rant in an effort to justify her actions, to no avail. In addition to a large fine, she and Patsy are sentenced to community service in a nursing home.

Patsy accidentally burns down the Monsoons' kitchen with a cigarette. She and Edina later plan a night out, but they decide to stick around after learning that Saffron is expecting a date, much to her chagrin. To make matters worse, Mother inadvertently locks the three women in the living room on her way to the chemist's. Edina pesters a mortified Saffron with questions about her sex life, before the trio exchange stories about their own births. Patsy—who had a neglectful mother—expresses her resentment towards Saffron due to the privileges she enjoyed while growing up, leading to a bitter dispute between the two. When Mother eventually returns home and unlocks the door, Edina and Patsy quickly leave, while Saffron's date is waiting outside. A flashback sequence shows Edina as she plans to surrender Saffron for adoption.