Kermit is hassled by Daily Scandal reporter Fleet Scribbler, who blackmails his way backstage at The Muppet Show and is determined to spin everything he hears in a negative light. He even offers Miss Piggy a picture spread if she'll give him the real dirt on the Muppets. Soon, even the Swedish Chef is talking to Fleet, who answers in mock-Swedish.

Fozzie Bear is so intimidated by the thought of meeting Milton Berle, "the King of Comics," that he spends the whole show hiding from the guest star. His flimsy disguises don't fool Kermit or Scooter, but when Fozzie finally overhears Milton saying that he'd like to do a song-and-dance with him, Fozzie springs out of hiding, and the pair performs "Top Banana" together in baggy pants and big shoes.

Gonzo catches a cannonball with his bare hand, which stretches his arm out. Fozzie and Floyd crack jokes about the situation. Gonzo turns to John for help, but John ends up pulling the rest of his limbs out to match.

Meanwhile, John isn't pleased with being on the show. He's tied to his chair before the show, he complains about the number of pigs and monsters on the show, and he gets roped into doing a closing number.

Kermit is at home sick so Fozzie has to run the show and proves how bad he could be by having Crazy Harry of all people have an opening skit "Target Practice", then getting "Vets' Hospital" and "At The Dance" on the same stage at the same time, causing a lot of trouble for the bear and his costars.

Gonzo auditions real chickens for his dancing chicken act. Due to a last-minute cancellation, he finally gets on stage, but his chicken Lolita hardly moves.

Inspired by Edgar and his dummies, Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd, Fozzie tries his hand at a ventriloquism act. Unfortunately, he doesn't really understand the principle behind the act, and expects his dummy to talk on his own.

Robin wants his own spot on the show, but his uncle Kermit doesn't even notice him with bigger costars like Thog, Sweetums, and Timmy stomping around. The little frog even tries to run away but just ends up locked in his own suitcase. When Bernadette Peters notices him and tries to cheer him up, however, Robin finds out that all the Muppets believe in him. He becomes so confident that he demands to sing "They Call the Wind Maria," but Kermit settles on a cute, little song called "I'm Five" instead.

Miss Piggy hires Scooter to pay off the audience to go wild for her. She also has him send her dozens of bouquets and write her piles of fan mail, all part of an attempt to get Kermit to notice her more. Piggy and Scooter stage a conversation for Kermit to overhear, in which she pretends to have an offer from another show, but Kermit isn't fooled. After finding out from Scooter what's really going on, he tells Piggy he's heard about her offer and has decided to let her go. When she breaks down in tears, sobbing that she can't leave him, Kermit agrees to take her back, but at a lower salary. After all, if she can afford to have Scooter pay off the audience for her... Miss Piggy gets hysterical and depressed, but is refreshed by Dom DeLuise.

Miss Piggy overhears Kermit tell Scooter that she's getting too fat to do her ballet number next week, so she decides to go on a diet. She breaks a scale weighing herself, and collapses after exercising with a TV show for a few minutes.

Kermit cancels the show in order to audition new acts. Guest star Steve is angry at first, but he goes on to perform for the cast. Fozzie worries that Kermit plans to hire replacements, especially after the audition of a canine comedian, Baskerville the Hound. Kermit tells Fozzie that he should appreciate seeing another artist's work -- until Lenny the Lizard auditions as a new emcee. A young singing girl, called Mary/Terry/Carrie Louise, is systematically removed off, when she makes an attempt of audition with her croaking partner.

Fozzie Bear has a new rollerskating act, but since he doesn't know how to skate, he spends the entire episode careening around backstage. He eventually manages to roll out onto the stage to tell his jokes, but when he gets too ambitious and tries to skate backwards on one leg, he falls off the stage.

Sketches/Songs: "The Lonely Goatherd", "Muppet Newsflash", Gonzo's Act, "Moonlight Sonata", "Won't Somebody Dance With Me?", "Borneo", "When You Were a Tadpole and I Was a Fish", "An Editorial by Sam The Eagle", "Muppet Labs", "I Whistle a Happy Tune"

Sketches/Songs: "A Gypsy's Violin", "When", "Down Memory Lane", Masseur sketch, "It's Not Easy Bein' Green", "Muppet Labs", "Cigarettes & Whiskey"

Sketches/Songs: "Crocodile Rock", "Swedish Chef", "Benny and the Jets", "Veterinarian's Hospital", "Any Old Iron", "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", "Pigs In Space", "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"

Sketches/Songs: "Limbo", "Ain't Got That Swing", "Pigs In Space", Bruce Schwartz, "Mad Dogs and Englishmen", "Swedish Chef", "(I Wonder Why) You're Just In Love", Fozzie's Act, "If"

Sketches/Songs: The Electric Mayhem, A Wagner opera performed, "Swine Lake", "Something's Missing", "Veterinarian's Hospital", "It's Cold Outside", "Clair De Lune", "Top Hat"

Sketches/Songs: "Leatherwing Bat", "Pigs In Space", "An Editorial by Sam The Eagle", "I Know an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly", "Muppet Newsflash", "Talk to the Trees", "Koozebanian Phoob", "Do-Re-Mi", "Swedish Chef", "Send in the Clowns"

Sketches/Songs: "Cuento Le Gusta", "Train Back Home", "Chattanooga Choo Choo", "Veterinarian's Hospital", "Wotcher (Knocked 'Em in the Old Kent Road)", "I Won't Dance", "World's Most Powerful Explosive", "Medley"

Sketches/Songs: "That's Entertainment", "My Hero", Fozzie's Act, "Swedish Chef", "Vedgetarian's Hospital", "Muppet Newsflash", "Pigs In Space", "Just in Time"

Sketches/Songs: "The Pig Calypso", "For What It's Worth", "Muppet Newsflash", "Swedish Chef", "Muppet Newsflash", Rowlf plays piano, "Long Long Ago", "Muppet Labs", Rowlf plays piano, "Don't Fence Me In"

Sketches/Songs: "Tweedle Dee Dee", "Swedish Chef", "At the Dance", "English Country Garden", "Talk Spot", "Pigs In Space", "Muppet Newsflash", "An Editorial by Sam The Eagle", "That Old Black Magic"

Sketches/Songs: "Chopin's Polonaise in a Flat", "What do the Simple Folk Do?", "At the Dance", "Muppet Labs", "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes", "Fears", "Drum Solo by Animal", "Lady Wrestling"

Sketches/Songs: "Tweedle Dee Dee", "Swedish Chef", "At the Dance", "English Country Garden", "Talk Spot", "Pigs In Space", "Muppet Newsflash", "An Editorial by Sam The Eagle", "That Old Black Magic"

Sketches/Songs: ""Rocky Top"", ""Swedish Chef"", ""Pigs In Space"", ""Yesterday When I Was Young"", ""I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire"", ""Talk Spot"", ""At the Barn-Dance"", Gonzo's Act, ""Sally Was a Good Ol' Girl""

Sketches/Songs: ""You Make Me Feel Like Dancing"", ""Carbon Paper"", ""The Daffodills"", ""The Show Must Go On"", ""She was a Dear Little Dicky Bird"", Fozzie's Act, ""When I Need You""

Sketches/Songs: ""The Lullaby of Broadway"", ""Modern Major General"", ""Muppet Melodrama"", ""Witch Doctor"", ""A Saucy Little Bird on Nellie's Hat"", ""Muppet Labs"", ""Muppet Newsflash"", ""Tap Your Troubles Away""

Sketches/Songs: ""My Soul is a Witness"", ""Muppet Labs"", ""Muppet Newsflash"", ""In the Good Old Summertime"", ""An Actor's Life For Me"", ""Pigs In Space"", ""At the Dance"", The Camelot joust

Sketches/Songs: ""Tico Tico"", ""Play a Simple Melody"", ""At the Dance"", ""Daddy Wouldn't Buy Me a Bow-Wow"", ""Talk Spot"", ""Muppet Melodrama"", ""Muppet Labs"", ""I'm Just Wild About Harry""

Sketches/Songs: ""You're Looking at Country"", ""I'm All Alone"", ""Muppet Newsflash"", Fozzie's Act, ""At the Dance"", ""Sentimental Journey"", ""Oh, Lonesome Me"", ""Veterinarian's Hospital"", ""Muppet Newsflash"", ""The Rhyming Song"", ""One's on the Way""