Fans of the Week: Sunderland. Score in LOBSTAR: Zero. Footballer Guest: Roy Evans (ex Liverpool player and manager) Other Guest: Sneaker Pimps: Liam (Newcastle fan) and Joe (Arsenal fan)

On the Phone:

-Steve McManaman (Real Madrid)

-Danny Mills (Leeds)

-Dermot Gallagher (referee)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Greedy Nicolas Anelka 2. Alec Ferguson book revelations 3. Paul Ince war of words 4. Greedy Jimmy Floyd 5. Des Lynam 6. The eclipse

Soccerette: Age 20, 5 foot 5, from Virginia Walter, supports West Ham and is called Nathalie.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Roy Evans (ex Liverpool player and manager) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Everton. Score in LOBSTAR: One. Footballer Guest: Steve Howey (Newcastle)

Other Guests: Ray Winstone (West Ham fan) and Karl Howman (Charlton fan)

On the Phone:

-Dean Saunders (Bradford) -Ken Hedcroft (Hartlepool chairman)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Nightmare start for Newcastle 2. Uriah Rennie 3. Early contenders for goal of the season 4. Roy Keane transfer talks 5. Francis Jeffers on/off transfer 6. The millennium

Soccerette: Age 21, 5 foot 5, from Northampton, supports Aston Villa and is called Nathalie.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Graham Sharp (ex Everton etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat got a leg to it.

Fans of the Week: Leeds. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Ian Pearce (West Ham) Other Guest: Dean Headley (cricketer) (West Brom fan)

On the Phone:

-Kevin Ball (Sunderland)

-George Boateng (Aston Villa)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Vieira discipline 2. Record amount of OGs 3. Ruudi nightmare 4. Sheffield Wednesday are rubbish 5. Stuart Pearce England call-up

Soccerette: Age 26, 5 foot 7, from Newbiggin-by-Sea, supports Man Utd and is called Lindsay.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Mark McGhee (ex Newcastle, Hamburg etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - but the Cat got a finger to it.

Fans of the Week: Aberdeen. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Michael Gray (Sunderland) Other Guest: Shovell (M-People) (Arsenal fan)

On the Phone:

-David Johnson (Ipswich)

-Craig Brown (Scotland manager)

-Paul Taylor (Sheff Wed fanzine)

-Bryan Roy (Hertha Berlin)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Football/pop star combos 2. Man U - looking unbeatable 3. Bobby Robson - back in big time 4. Sheff Wednesday are rubbish 5. Leicester ticket scandal.

Soccerette: Age 20, 5 foot 3, from Great Bookham, supports Liverpool and is called Camelsa

Can He Kick It? Guest: Eddie McGoldrick (ex Arsenal etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - an amazing shot into top right corner - the Cat didn't move.

Fans of the Week: Shrewsbury.

Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Rio Ferdinand (West Ham)

On the Phone:

-Paul Jewell (Bradford manager) -Xavier Wiggins (Wimbledon fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Knives out for Shearer 2. Anelka still whining 3. Come on Sweden 4. Scotland our only real chance 5. Future in England kid's hands

Soccerette: Age 21, 6 foot, from Eggem, supports Man Utd and is called Louisa.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Danny Wallace (ex Man Utd etc) Could He Kick It? Danny was injured so Tim took it for him and smacked it past the Cat.

Fans of the Week: Leicester

Score in LOBSTAR: Two

Other Guests: Apollo 440: Trevor (Liverpool fan), Ian (Ipswich fan), Howard (Liverpool fan)

On the Phone:

-Neil Witherow (Palace fanzine) -Rob Nicols (Boro fanzine) -David Rocastle (Saba) -Kasey Keller (Rayo Vallencano)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Blanks fired in Champs League 2. Leicester boardroom bust-ups 3. Ruudi/Gazza love tryst 4. Bosnich - nightmare at United 5. Crystal Palace in turmoil

Soccerettes: There were two this week;

-Called Kelly, age 18, 5 foot 5, from Essex, supports West Ham. -Called Tamlin, age 20, 5 foot 7, from Essex, supports West Ham.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Alvin Martin (AKA Alvin Stardust) (ex West Ham) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Hartlepool. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Mark Crossley (Notts Forest) Other Guest: Phil Cornwell (impressionist) (Spurs fan)

On the Phone:

-John Sherdian (Oldham) -Paul Gascoigne (Boro) -Paul Taylor (Sheff Wed fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Chelsea are rubbish 2. Arsenal late goals 3. Sheffield Wednesday are really rubbish 4. David Beckham's temper tantrums 5. David Beckham's dress sense

Soccerettes: Called Fiona, age 20, 5 foot 4, from Staffordshire, supports Port Vale.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Leeory Rosenoir (ex West Ham, Fulham etc) Could He Kick It? No - hit the post and wide.

Fans of the Week: Birmingham. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Craig Hignett (Barnsley) Other Guests: A (punk band): Adam and Jason (Arsenal fans)

On the Phone:

-Andy Mitten (Man Utd fanzine) -Joe Royle (Man City manager) -Vinny Samways (Las Palmas)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Great Euro results 2. Man Utd - dodgy home form 3. Benio Carbone 4. Michael Owen's dark side 5. David Beckham

Soccerette: Called Sabrina, age 20, 5 foot 1, from Birmingham, supports Birmingham.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Jimmy Carter (ex Arsenal, QPR etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Sheffield Wednesday. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guests: -Neil Ruddock (West Ham) -Paul Gascoigne (Middlesbrough)

On the Phone: Tom Lynn (Sunderland fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Refereeing inconsistency 2. Patrick Vieira 3. Man Utd keeper crisis 4. Sir Alex's bottom problems 5. Moaning Leboeuf

Soccerette: Called Hannah, age 26, 5 foot 7, from Sweden, supports Sweden.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Peter Jackson (ex Newcastle, Huddersfield manager etc) Could He Kick It? No - it went wide.

Fans of the Week: Bristol City. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Gareth Ainsworth (Wimbledon) Other Guest: Mani (Primal Scream) (Man Utd fan)

On the Phone: -Tony Dinning (Stockport) -Kevin Phillips (Sunderland) -George Duncan (Dundee Utd fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Whining Wenger 2. Sweden 3. Fergie success 4. Worthington Cup devalued again 5. Stan Collymore

Soccerette: Called Natasha, age 19, 5 foot 4, from Stevenage, supports Spurs.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Peter Marinello (ex Arsenal etc) Could He Kick It? No - it hit the post and went wide.

Fans of the Week: Norwich. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Rob Ullathorne (no club) Other Guest: Prodigy: Leeroy (Arsenal fan)

On the Phone: -Harry Redknapp (West Ham manager) -Dave Wallace (Man City fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. England Scotland tickets 2. Redknapp/Wenger war of words 3. Chelsea heaven 4. Arsenal defence - end of an era 5. Red cards

Soccerettes: There were 2 twin Soccerettes this weekend;

-Called Laura, age 18, 5 foot 5, from Droylesdon, supports Man City. -Called Stacey, age 18, 5 foot 5, from Droylesdon, supports Man City.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Russell Osman (ex Ipswich etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - bottom right corner.

Fans of the Week: Leyton Orient. Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guest: Robbie Fowler (Liverpool) Other Guest: Gordon Ramsay (world's hardest chef) (Rangers fan)

On the Phone: -Harry Redknapp (West Ham manager) -Dave Wallace (Man City fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Chelsea inconsistency 2. Arsenal shouldn't have played at Wembley 3. Vieira/Razor war of words 4. Man U/FA Cup 5. Man City back in big time

Soccerette: Called Tracey, age 22, 5 foot 5, from Bristol, supports Chelsea.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Mike Duxbury (ex Man Utd etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - bottom left corner.

Fans of the Week: Man City.

Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guest: Jason Roberts (Bristol Rovers) Other Guest: Dominic Mohan (Sun columnist) (Bristol City fan)

On the Phone:

-Georgie Kinkladze (Derby) -Brian Laws (Scunthorpe manager) -Paul Lofthouse (Blackburn fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Cole/Shearer saga 2. Kidd - nightmare year 3. Europe highs and lows 4. Man City on way back 5. Cheating Germans 6. England/Scotland tickets

Soccerette: Called Sally, age 20, 5 foot 6, from Burkenshaw, supports Leeds.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Steve Williams (ex Arsenal, Exeter etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - right hand side.

Fans of the Week: -Motherwell -Swindon

Score in LOBSTAR: -Motherwell (2) -Swindon (1)

Footballer Guests:

-Paul Dalglish (Norwich) -Michael Duberry (Leeds)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Countdown almost over 2. Scotland will play with their hearts 3. England should win on paper 4. Shearer/Cole kiss and make up 5. Scots will try to wind Beckham up

Soccerette: Called Angela, age 20, 5 foot 6, from Coventry, supports Coventry and England.

Can He Kick It? Guests: -Gary Gillespie (ex Liverpool, Scotland etc) -Justin Edinburgh (Spurs)

Could He Kick It? Today there was an England/Scotland penalty shoot-out competition: Justin vs Gary, each taking 3 penalties against the Cat. Justin won 3-2, with the Cat saving one of Gary's penalties.

Fans of the Week: Wigan. Score in LOBSTAR: Zero.

Footballer Guest: Jason Dozzell (Colchester) Other Guest: Kevin Kennedy (Coronation Street) (Man City fan)

On the Phone:

-Marcus Stewart (Huddersfield) -Dave Pendleton (Bradford fanzine) -Dave Chandler (Enfield manager)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Davor Suker's share dealings 2. England scrape through 3. Scotland out with heads held high 4. England players' night out 5. Craig Brown - saved his job for now

Soccerette: Called Emma, age 21, 5 foot 6, from London, supports Arsenal.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Imre Varadi (ex Sheff Wed/Utd etc) Could He Kick It? No - hit bar and went out.

Fans of the Week: Crystal Palace. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Andy Morrison (Man City) Other Guest: Longpigs: Crispin (Stoke fan)

On the Phone: -Neil Lennon (Leicester) -Greg Upton (Villa fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. John Gregory - job on line 2. Man Utd Euro nightmare 3. Chelsea inconsistency 4. Roy Keane contract talks 5. James Bond

Soccerette: Called Emma, age 20, 5 foot, from Walsall, supports West Brom.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Anders Limpar (ex Arsenal, Everton etc) was going to be on the show, but didn't turn up - Rocket was fired for this.

Fans of the Week: Liverpool. Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guest: John Beresford (Southampton)

On the Phone: -Gary McAllister (Coventry) -Geoff Sargant (Patent Office) (Gillingham fan)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Man Utd - best team in the world 2. Joe Cole - new Gazza 3. Worthington Cup - still devalued 4. Lucky Darlington 5. Roy Keane contract stalling - again

Soccerette: Called Joanne, age 24, 5 foot 7, from Warwick, supports Coventry.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Robert Fleck (ex Rangers, Chelsea etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Plymouth. Score in LOBSTAR: Zero.

Footballer Guest: Peter Ndlovu (Birmingham) Other Guest: Louis Emerick (Brookside) (Liverpool fan)

On the Phone: -Michael Thomas (Benfica) -John Cole (Celtic fanzine) -Angel Cabeza (Marca - Spanish newspaper)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. England vs Germany - time to bury jinx 2. Roy Keane - massive wedge 3. Vialli indiscipline 4. Wembley stadium 5. Whining Petit

Soccerette: Called Nicola, age 17, 5 foot 6, from Gateshead, supports Man Utd.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Kerry Dixon (ex Chelsea etc) Could He Kick It? No - the Cat saved it.

Fans of the Week: Millwall. Score in LOBSTAR: One

Footballer Guests: -Keith Curle (Wolves) -Ade Akinbiyi (Wolves)

Other Guest: Phil Daniels (thespian) (Chelsea fan)

On the Phone: -Matt Le Tissier (Southampton) -John Aldridge (Tranmere manager) -Rob Nicols (Middlesbrough fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. FA Cup devalued 2. Southgate why?????? 3. Boro - nightmare week 4. Ginola Shearer rift 5. Martin Edwards - astonishing attack

Changing Rooms: Paulo di Canio (West Ham) - says that Roy Keane is the best player in the Premiership, Martin Keown is the toughest defender, Old Trafford is his favourite away ground and he revealed his tattoos - on both his arms.

Soccerette: Called Louise, age 21, 5 foot 7, from Hillingdon, supports Wycombe.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Peter Withe (ex Villa etc - currently the Thailand national coach) Could He Kick It? No - another save by the Cat.

Today's episode was a repeat of December 25th's.

Today's show was pre-recorded and repeated throughout the day on Sky Sports 1.

We were given the best highlights from the 'Soccerettes,' and 'Can He Kick?,' goals from divisions 3 to the Premiership and showed highlights from guest interviews including

-Roy Evans -Lee Sharpe -Ray Winstone -Karl Howman -Rio Ferdinand -Neil Ruddock -Paul Gascoigne -Robbie Fowler -Leeroy from the Prodigy

The show also revealed who the Mystery Ref is.... Sky Sports presenter Matt Lorenzo.

Fans of the Week: Blackburn. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guests: -Frank Lampard (Jnr) (West Ham) -Seth Johnson (Derby)

On the Phone: -Xavier Wiggins (Wimbledon fanzine) -Phillipe Albert (Charleoi)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Manchester United 2. African footballers: club v country 3. Leeds' bubble burst 4. Video evidence 5. David Beckham

Changing Rooms: David Batty (Leeds) said that Roy Keane and Paul Ince are the Premiership hardmen, the most diffucult opponent he's faced is Joe Cole and if he had to choose a favourite referee, it would be Graham Poll.

Soccerettes: -Called Rachel, age 24, 5 foot 6, from Nottingham, supports Arsenal. -Called Lindsey, age 23, 5 foot 4, from Milton Keynes, supports Northampton.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Kevin Bond (ex Norwich etc) Could He Kick It? No - yet another save by the Cat.

Fans of the Week: Chesterfield. Score in LOBSTAR: Three.

Footballer Guest: David Burrows (Coventry) Other Guest: Simon Day (Fast Show) (West Ham fan)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Referees 2. Chris Sutton transfer 3. Man Utd - shirt deal 4. Penalty shootouts 5. West Ham v Villa 6. George Weah 7. The bloomin' flu

Changing Rooms: Matt Le Tissier (Southampton) said that the best players in the Premiership are Shearer and Beckham, his best ever match was England B vs Russia B, he supported Spurs as a child, he relaxes by watching TV, playing snooker and his Playstation, he wouldn't play for Portsmouth and his best goal was for Southampton away at Blackburn in 1995.

Soccerette: Called Lucy, age 19, 5 foot 6, from Coventry, supports Coventry.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Mark Chamberlain (ex Sheff Wed, Exeter etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - the Cat didn't move.

Fans of the Week: Southampton. Score in LOBSTAR: Zero.

Footballer Guest: Neil Lennon (Leicester) Other Guest: Ralph Little (Anthony, the Royle Family) (Man Utd fan)

On the Phone: -Efan Ekoku (Grasshopper Zurich) -Jim Milton (Airdrie fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Sunderland bubble burst 2. Bryan Robson - job on line 3. Danny Wilson - stay or go 4. Joe Cole for England 5. Leicester - do or die spirit

Changing Rooms: David James (Aston Villa) said that if he wasn't a keeper, he'd be either on the bench or a striker, the best keeper in England is Nigel Martyn and the best in the world at the moment are Toldo and Buffon. He thinks the best striker he's faced is Batistuta ('strong and quick') his hobbies are gardening and DJ-ing and his best friend in football is Steve McManaman.

Soccerette: Called Marlene, age 22, 5 foot 4, from Luton, supports Luton.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Keith Houchan (ex Coventry etc) Could He Kick It? Yes.

Fans of the Week: Reading.

Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guests: -Dean Windass (Bradford) -Dave Beasant (Notts Forest)

On the Phone: -Peter Taylor (Gillingham manager) -Lee Clark (Fulham)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Ian Wright's temper 2. Leicester battlers 3. Tranmere - first cup final 4. Lenient referees 5. Hoddle finally a Saint

Changing Rooms: Stan Collymore (Aston Villa) said that his most memorable match was Liverpool vs Newcastle (4-3), the best player he's played with is Robbie Fowler, his best coach Terry Venables, most diffucult opponent Tony Adams, the worst thing about being a footballer is the press intrusion, his best friend in the game is Jamie Redknapp, he'd never play for Birmingham, his hobbies are music and the internet, his dream move would be to Man Utd, his regret is not winning the Championship with Liverpool and his career highlight is playing for England.

Soccerette: Called Paula, age 26, 5 foot 3, from Cheshire, supports Man Ut

Fans of the Week: West Brom. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Clyde Wijnhard (Huddersfield) Other Guest: Claire Sweeney (Brookside) (Everton and West Brom fan)

On the Phone: -John Gorman (Southampton assistant manager) -Michael MacDonald (ex Sheffield United chairman - wants United and Wednesday to merge) -Gary Stevens (Sunderland fanzine) -Kieron Dyer (Newcastle)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Rejuvenated Teddy Sheringham 2. O'Neill - new Brian Clough 3. Shearer goal celebrations 4. Foreign footballer quotas 5. Beckham joining Arsenal

Changing Rooms: Davor Suker (Arsenal) said that teh best player he's played with is Maradonna, the best thing about being a footballer is that his job is his hobby, the part of his game that needs most improving is his right foot, he relaxes by swimming, he best Premiership was his first of 2 against Villa and the best manager is Arsene Wenger.

Soccerette: Called Sarah, age 22, 5 foot 6, from Hillingdon, supports Ar

Fans of the Week: Oxford. Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guests: -Steve Morrow (QPR) -Danny Maddix (QPR)

Other Guest: Jimmy Nesbitt (from Cold Feet etc) (Man Utd fan)

On the Phone:

-Marcus Stewart (Ipswich) -Jason McAteer (Blackburn) -Pavel Srnicek (Sheff Wed) -Ken Thomson (Deputy chariman, Inverness CT)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Rejuvenated Paul Merson 2. United have won title already 3. John Barnes - had to go 4. Stan Collymore - last chance 5. Referee's goal celebrations 6. Dodgy plane hijacks

Soccerette: Called Lynn, age 19, 5 foot 5, from Newcastle, supports Newcastle.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Brian Gunn (ex Norwich, Arsenal etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - the Cat was nowhere near.

Fans of the Week: Gillingham. Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guest: James Beattie (Southampton) Other Guests:

-Artful Dodger: Peter (Southampton fan) -Bradley Walsh (comedian) (Arsenal fan)

On the Phone: -Jim Leighton (Aberdeen) -John Aldridge (Tranmere manager) -Barry Kilby (Burnley chairman)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Footballer's indiscipline 2. Gazza - insult to injury 3. Arsenal season over 4. Ian Wright's itchy feet 5. Stan Collymore

Changing Rooms: Joe Cole (West Ham) said: his childhood heroes were Gazza, Maradonna and Ian Wright, his toughest opponents have been Ryan Giggs and Harry Kewell. His game to forget would be Tranmere in the FA Cup this season, his strengths are his quick feet and he said that if he wasn't a footballer, he'd probably work on his dad's fruit and veg stall.

Soccerette: Called Nathalie, age 20, 5 foot 7, from Chiswick, supports Brentford.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Kenny Hibbitt (ex Wolves etc) Could He Kick It? No -

Fans of the Week: -Leicester -Tranmere

Score in LOBSTAR: -Leicester 2 -Tranmere 0

Footballer Guest: Spencer Prior (Derby) Other Guest: Reef: Gary Stringer (Wolves fan)

On the Phone: -Sam Allardyce (Bolton manager) -David Kelly (Tranmere)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Beckham/Ferguson rift 2. David Challinor's throw 3. Emile Heskey - great performance 4. Leicester fired up 5. Gazza - Australian transfer rumours

Changing Rooms: Thierry Henry (Arsenal) revealed that he supported Marseilles as played with is Zidane, his toughest Premiership opponents are Ryan Giggs and Jaap Stam (who he said is 'best defender in the league'), his best goal was against Bradford, his strengths are his pace and his weakness is that: 'I'm tall, so I should score more with my head,' if he wasn't a footballer, he'd be playing basketball, his nickname is Titi and he wouldn't ever play for Spurs; 'I'm a Gooner.'

Soccerette: Called Bethany, age 20, 5 foot 7, from Great Yarmouth,

Fans of the Week: Middlesbrough. Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guest: Gianluca Festa (Middlesbrough) Other Guest: Mark Williams (Fast Show, The Strangerers) (Villa fan)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Shearer retirement 2. De Goey - basic error 3. David Beckham's lifestyle 4. Ryan Giggs - on fire 5. Gazza - made an example of 6. The bloomin' Brits (Helen spelt it blummin')

Soccerette: Called Ruth, age 21, 5 foot 4, from Sussex, supports Chelsea.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Alex Williams (ex Man City etc) Could He Kick It? No - another Cat save.

Fans of the Week: Darlington. Score in LOBSTAR: Two.

Footballer Guest: Carlton Palmer (Coventry) Other Guests: Happy Mondays: Gaz and Paul (Man Utd fans)

On the Phone: -Chris Powell (Charlton) -Bob Cooper (Norwich chairman) -Barry Hatch (Arsenal fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. David Beckham (again) 2. Whining Petit 3. Ian Wright goal drought 4. FA misconduct charges 5. Whining Leboeuf 6. Liam and Robbie

Soccerette: Called Sylvia, age 28, 5 foot 6, from Tottenham, supports Spurs.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Hard man Mark Dennis (ex Birmingham, QPR etc) Could He Kick It? No - yet another Cat save.

Fans of the Week: Blackpool.

Score in LOBSTAR: Zero.

Footballer Guests: -Terry Phelan (Fulham) -Michael Thomas (Benfica)

Other Guest: James Gaddas (Coronation Street) (West Ham fan)

On the Phone: -David Johnson (Ipswich) -Joff Wild (Spurs fanzine) -Jonathon Gould (Celtic)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Whining Wenger 2. Heskey cheat storm 3. Last game at Wembley 4. Old footballers 5. English clubs - Euro success 6. Beckham's hair do

Changing Rooms: Junino (Middlesbrough) says that his hero as a boy was Zico, that his skills are natural, the most skillful opponents he's faced have been Kanu and Denilson, the best player he has played with is Ronaldo ('powerful - the complete footballer'), his best Premiership goal was a header against Chelsea at the Riverside and he said that Gazzaa is more skillful than he is.

Soccer AM Gold: the legendary Scooby Doo opening gag from ages ago.

Soccerette: Called Sarah, age 21, 5 foot 6, from Wolverhampton, supports Wolv

Fans of the Week: Leeds Score in LOBSTAR: One

Footballer Guest: Alessandro Pistone (Newcastle)

Other Guests: -Alex Tudor (cricketer) (QPR fan) -Mark Butcher (cricketer) (QPR fan) -Mark Foster Foster (fastest swimmer ever) (Spurs fan)

On the Phone: -Spencer Prior (Man City) -Paul Taylor (Sheff Wed fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. David Beckham (still) 2. Sheffield Wednesday - club in turmoil 3. Chelsea - too many foreigners 4. Kieron Dyer's private life 5. Mouthwatering Euro draws

Changing Rooms: Jody Morris (Chelsea) said; the best player he's played with is Mark Hughes, his boyhood hero was Gazza ('best in the world at the time'), his most memorable match was Galatasary away, the most skillful player at Chelsea is Zola ('quickest feet I've seen in football'), his best friend in football is Michael Duberry; 'he calls me fat head, but his is bigger than mine, and its shaped like a baked bean'

Soccer AM Gold: the Valentine's Day sketch; when Helen c

Fans of the Week: -Aston Villa -Bolton

Score in LOBSTAR: -Aston Villa 1 -Bolton 0

Footballer Guest: Mike Stowell (Wolves) Other Guest: Philip Olivier (Brookside) (Liverpool fan)

On the Phone: -Sam Allardyce (Bolton manager) -Jim Smith (Derby manager) -Stan Collymore (Leicester)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Charlton - promotion certainties 2. Leicester ticket scandal 3. Nicolas Anelka - grovelling apology 4. Fulham 5. Thierry Henry - on fire 6. Madonna & Guy Ritchie

Changing Rooms: Trevor Sinclair (West Ham) said his boyhood hero was John Barnes, he supports Man City, the best manager he's worked with has been Dave Sexton, the best players he's played with have been Les and Rio Ferdinand and Paulo di Canio, Kewell is the best player in the Premiership, followed by Kanu and his best goal was for QPR vs Barnsley in the FA Cup (that bicycle kick from outside the box)

Soccer AM Gold: Soccer AM: The Movie

Soccerette: Called Nathalie, age 17, 5 foot

Fans of the Week: -Chelsea -Newcastle

Score in LOBSTAR: -Chelsea 0 -Newcastle 0

Other Guests: -Beautiful South: Paul Heaton (Sheff Utd) -Ray Winstone (West Ham fan)

On the Phone: -Dean Holdsworth (Bolton) -John Griffin (creator of the holy grail of football; the Coventry chocolate brown kit) -David James (Aston Villa) -Roy Evans (Fulham assistant manager) -Ronnie Rosenthal (football agent, ex Spurs, Liverpool, Watford etc)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Man Utd - title wrapped up 2. Macca's back 3. Chelsea - Euro heaven 4. Sheff Wed - doomed 5. Best dressed fans 6. Tim's bloomin' knee

Soccerette: Called Rosie, age 19, 5 foot 9, from St Albans, supports QPR.

Can He Kick It? Guest: John Hendrie (ex Barnsley, Newcastle etc) Could He Kick It? No.

Fans of the Week: -Stoke -Bristol City

Score in LOBSTAR: -Stoke 2 -Bristol City 3

Footballer Guest: Tommy Johnson (Celtic)

Other Guests: -Nick Berry (Harbour Lights etc) (West Ham fan) -Todd Carty (EastEnders) (West Ham fan)

On the Phone: -Gordon Taylor (FA executive) -Steve McManaman (Real Madrid)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Wimbledon - club in crisis 2. Too many foreigners (again) 3. Stoke City feng shui mumbo jumbo 4. Petit - FA fine 5. Lucky Chelsea 6. Bungs

Changing Rooms: Ryan Giggs (Man Utd) revealed that his boyhood heroes were Bryan Robson ('he had everything') and Mark Hughs, the best player he's played with is Eric Cantona, the best played he's played against is Rivaldo, the biggest win-up merchant is Dennis Wise, the best player in the Premiership is Roy Keane, his most memorable game was Man Utd vs Arsenal in the FA Cup Semi Final in 1999, and he has 2 goldfish in his kitchen - no more than that and no fish staircases!

Soccerett

Fans of the Week: Wimbledon. Score in LOBSTAR: ""A big fat lonely second division zero.""

Footballer Guests: -Jamie Lawrence (Bradford) -Martin O'Connor (Birmingham)

Other Guests: Top Loader: Julian (West Ham), Rob (Chelsea) and Joe (Liverpool)

On the Phone: -Richard Murray (Charlton chairman) -Dave Beasant (Notts Forest) -Don Hutchinson (Everton)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. European disappointments 2. Wimbledon - on the edge 3. Sheffield Wednesday - great escape 4. Arsenal - flying the flag 5. Van Nistlerooy

Changing Rooms: Ian Harte (Leeds). He supported Liverpool and Man Utd as a child, the best player he's played with is Roy Keane, the best players he's faced are Batistuta and Beckham, his player of the year is Kevin Phillips, the best goal he's scored was vs Derby (home) last season, the West Ham fans have given him the most stick, the biggest wind-up merchant is Dennis Wise and the dirtiest Leeds player is Alan Smith.

Soccerette: Called Katie, ag

Fans of the Week: Ipswich. Score in LOBSTAR: Zero.

Footballer Guest: Stan Collymore (Leicester) Other Guests: The Charlatans: Tim and Mark (both Man Utd fans)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Vialli - back to Serie A 2. Van Nistlerooy 3. Thierry Henry - flying 4. Olsen - done a bunk 5. Wenger - back to Japan

Soccerette: Called Jade, age 18, 5 foot 8, from Manchester, supports Man City.

Can He Kick It? Guest: David Hirst (ex Sheff Wed etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - top right corner.

Fans of the Week: Man City. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guest: Colin Calderwood (Notts Forest)

Other Guest: -Lee Boardman (Coronation Street) (Man Utd fan) -Simon Gregson (Coronation Street) (Man City fan)

On the Phone: -Iain Blair (Director of administration of the SPL) -Steve Stuart (Walsall fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Wimbledon 2. Bradford - great escape 3. Liverpool running out of steam 4. Spurs buying everyone 5. Man City jumping the gun

Changing Rooms: Phil Neville (Man Utd) said that his boyhood hero was Bryan Robson, the best player he's played with is Ryan Giggs (followed by Schmeichel and Cantona) - to said Giggs is the best left winger in the world - the best players he's played against are Ruud Gullit and Romario, his most memorable game was Man Utd vs Arsenal (FA Cup Semi Final last season), his best goal was vs Chelsea (away), his favourite away ground is St James' Park and his best friend in football is Gary Neville.

Socceret

Fans of the Week: Bradford. Score in LOBSTAR: One.

Footballer Guests: -Cedric Roussel (Coventry) -Darryl Powell (Derby) -Gerry Taggart (Leicester)

On the Phone: -Craig Hignett (Barnsley) -Terry Burton (Wimbledon manager) -Tim Clarke (Millwall fanzine)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Man City - back in the big time 2. Pitch invasions 3. Bradford or Wimbledon for the drop 4. Ipswich play-off jinx 5. Gazza Aussie transfer 6. The internet

Changing Rooms: Tim Sherwood (Spurs) said that he supported Spurs as a child, his footballing hero was Glenn Hoddle, the best player he's played with is Alan Shearer, the best he's faced is Gazza, his toughest opponents are Ronnie Whelen and Steve McMahon, his favourite away ground is Old Trafford and Arsenal fans give him the worst stick.

Soccerette: Called Kate, age 24, 5 foot 10, from Sevenoakes, supports Man City.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Lou Macari (ex Man Utd, Celtic) Could He Kick It? Yes - Cat went the wrong

Fans of the Week: -Chelsea -Aston Villa

Score in LOBSTAR: -Chelsea 1 -Aston Villa 2

Footballer Guest: Dean Windass (Bradford)

Other Guests: -Mark Williams (Fast Show, The Strangerers) (Villa fan) -Blur: Damon Albarn (Chelsea fan) -Phil Daniels (Chelsea fan)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Bradford great escape 2. Wimbledon end of an era 3. Fowler future 4. Arsenal penalties 5. Asterick cup final 6. Ali G culture

Changing Rooms: -Tore Andre Flo (Chelsea) said that his footballing hero was Maradonna, he supported Birmingham when he was a child, the best player he's played with is Zola, the toughest defenders he's faced are Tony Adams and Colin Hendry, his best goal was either of his 2 vs Aston Villa (away) last season, his strengths are his skills and his weakness is that he needs to improve his toughness, and his career highlight was winning the European Cup Winners' Cup with Chelsea

-Lee Hendrie (Aston Villa) revealed that his footballing hero w

Fans of the Week: -Barnsley -Ipswich

Score in LOBSTAR: -Barnsley 1 -Ipswich 0

Footballer Guest: Dean Holdsworth (Bolton)

Other Guests: -Jack Ryder (EastEnders) (supports Newcastle) -Shovell (M-People) (Arsenal fan)

On the Phone: Tino Asprilla (Palmeiras)

Footballing Phono Nono's

1. Babies 2. No left footers in England squad 3. Celtic job 4. FA Cup Finals are always dull 5. David James

Changing Rooms: - (it was going to be Jason McAteer, but there wasn't enough time)

Soccerette: Called Nicky, age 20, 5 foot 7, from Birmingham, supports Aston Villa.

Can He Kick It? Guest: Paul Stewart (ex Spurs, Liverpool etc) Could He Kick It? Yes - bottom left corner.