Dick Whittington pitches a movie about his life, Stone Age technology geeks queue for hours at the unveiling of the Bronze Age, and some German bomber pilots find an unfortunate use for a tourist guidebook to Britain.

Henry VIII appears on a TV show hoping to raise money from his antique abbeys. Also, Charles Darwin sings about his theory of Natural Selection, and a pirate captain aims to be Lord Sugar's next Historical Apprentice.

Queen Elizabeth I goes online dating, Greek philosopher Socrates foils his own rescue from prison, and Emicho of the Rhineland goes crusading with some very unusual Sat Navs to lead the way.

HHTV's War Reporter Mike Peabody regrets his decision to cover the Norman Siege of Palermo, the Pilgrim Fathers rap about Jamestown in America, and a German submarine captain has the worst toilet accident in history.

A confused Christopher Columbus declares he has found India and a Georgian woman reveals her very Stupid Death. Also, Victoria and Albert attend the Great Exhibition and Tsar Peter III brings a very weird case to the Court of Historical Law.

Emperor Napoleon plays in a very unusual chess match, a Victorian inventor builds an anti-seasickness ship with one small design flaw, a snowball fight breaks out at a public execution and the British army hires a dead tramp to defeat the Germans in World War II.

Emperor Nero visits the victims of the Great Fire of Rome, some Crusaders attend a training course on how to fight weird monsters, and we meet the man with the best (and worst) job in Tudor England.

King Edward III gets married in a building site, Julius Caesar reveals his secret tips on hiding baldness, we learn the tricks of the criminal trade on the Real Victorian Hustle and we meet Renaissance Italy's most corrupt family: the Borgias.

William the Conqueror has some trouble conquering the town of Ely, Greek philosopher Diogenes reveals his disgusting tactic for getting rid of people he doesn't like, a Saxon joins a modern dating agency and there is a surprise in store for the people on Victorian Wife Swap.

Dr Culpeper invites us all to his highly unhealthy health spa, a Crusader knight competes on Historical Masterchef, King John worries about all the internet haters and crooner William Shakespeare serenades us with his big band.

A Victorian woman books a ticket on a very odd railway, a modern patient is (mis)treated by a Roman dentist, Alfred the Great pitches a movie about his life, and a Greek geek competes on Historical Mastermind.

The Thinkers, Mary I, William Shakespeare, The New World, Luddites, Victoria and Albert, Mary Seacole, Natural Selection and RAF Pilots