After being sodomized in a fumble pile during practice, Thad sets off on an investigation into who violated him, with each teammate's version of the story conflicting with the next.

The team becomes celibate in order to boost their performance on the field, but it backfires when Mary Jo, out of frustration, stirs them into a frenzy. Plus, Coach Daniel's ex-wife Debra shows up to collect unpaid debts.

The team begins accepting increasingly ostentatious gifts from agents, while Coach Daniels fends off pressure to play the annoying, Rudy-like son of a local booster.

Alex, Thad, and Radon receive a message from an unknown woman saying she is pregnant and each respond very differently. Meanwhile, Sammy must decide between staying with a girl out of his league at a price or to go back to being single while Coach Daniels attempts to rekindle his relationship with his son.

The campus nerds revolt, leaving the jocks unable to function academically and causing an identity crisis in Sammy.

Alex unwittingly sleeps with Coach Daniels' ex-wife and gets used as a pawn in their bitter relationship, while Sammy struggles to end Mary Jo's new fascination with a guitar-toting heartthrob.

After the campus is vacated, Thad goes on a vision quest to help him decide between staying at BMS next year and going pro.

During rivalry weekend, Overland's mascot gets loose, and Alex and Thad set out to find it so Alex can tailgate and Thad can eat its balls.

Alex decides that becoming the backup goalie for BMS' hockey team is the perfect way to avoid his conditioning obligations and Radon quickly follows suit. Meanwhile, Mary Jo becomes Thad's personal cheerleader.

Alex and his teammates end up in the local drunk tank, where they must stay until they blow a .06 on the breathalyzer. Sammy attempts to get drunk enough to join them so he can break them out from the inside, a la Prison Break.

The team is one game away from and undefeated season when Radon is tackled in practice by Thad creating a confidence struggle that takes him out of the game. Meanwhile, Daniels suffers a heart attack as the pressure of a potential perfect season in jeopardy mounts.

When a riot breaks out on campus after the team goes undefeated, Alex and the players must cross the frenzied campus to the Goat House to save Sammy from being torn apart by rabid fans.