Discuss Dark Shadows

  • Her name is Victoria Winters

  • Carolyn suffers from undiagnosed bipolar disorder

  • The Collins’ have deforested Maine to keep their fireplace endlessly lit

  • Growing up in a Foundling Ward is proper training to be a governess

  • Victoria spends an awful lot of money on mailing stamped envelopes to herself

  • It seems highly unlikely that Roger would ever beget a child with a woman

  • There is no shortage of dodgy, older men pledging their undying loyalty to Elizabeth

  • A fortune can be made by canning sardines

  • Collinsport must be very dull if a trip to Bangor is exciting

  • A failed artist can afford a sizable two bedroom cottage in town

  • The hotel diner thrives by giving away sundaes and serving lousy coffee

  • No one questions a middle aged man entertaining a 9 year old boy in his hotel room alone

  • Vehicular manslaughter only rates five years in prison

  • Ex-convicts can amass a fortune in South America in under five years

  • Ellizabeth spends six hours on hair every morning, only to sit around the house all day

  • Elizabeth has resting disapproval face

  • Attempting to murder your father is a rite of passage

  • People care way too much about silver fountain pens

  • For all their wealth, there are only two phones in the Collinwood mansion, and they are 10 feet apart

  • No one asks who’s there before opening the front door to their isolated mansion

  • Being someone’s hired housekeeper is a lot like being someone’s wife

  • Maggie lies about the freshness of the diner’s mayonnaise

  • The hotspot in town is some dive bar that plays one song over and over

  • Being a 10 min walk from the cannery, the Evans’ house must reek to high heaven

  • Elizabeth is still paying off a 150 year-long mortgage on Collinwood

  • Room Service thinks Burke eats two steaks for dinner

  • Maggie is an expert on diesel engines, and that turns Joe on

  • Maggie is allowed 2 minutes of self-pity a day

  • David loves funerals

  • You just know there’s a secret closet full of decapitated puppies in David’s room

  • “What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?” sounds far more salacious than it turns out to be

  • Susie the Waitress won’t speak to customers

  • Roger always thought there was “something a little wrong with David”.

  • David can self-teach himself about car engines and tidal currents, but can’t learn what is the sum of 8 times 8.

  • Roger is a high-functioning alcoholic

  • Victoria plays the Foundling Sympathy Card a lot

  • Cold blowy nights are the best nights to have fun

  • Sam doesn’t want his daughter Maggie wasting her time hoping for something she’s unlikely to ever find, such as love or a happy ending.

  • Frank Garner is a champion of lost causes, such as Victoria Winters

  • Victoria thinks it’s a good idea to drink plenty of coffee before a long drive on a cold night

  • A Nor’easter usually lasts three days. It ended the next morning.

  • Lowland back roads are far less likely to be flooded than highland major highways

  • Victoria has clearly never seen inside of the Bridal suite at the Waldorf Astoria

  • Elizabeth doesn’t want anyone else but brother Roger aroused.

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  • Dr. Woodard thinks Maggie sticks pins in her neck
  • The body doesn't function without a blood supply
  • Barnabas beats his big stick on Willie's face to loosen his tongue
  • Everybody wants to get Maggie into bed
  • In 1967, you could still smoke cigarettes inside a hospital
  • Looking deep into his eyes, Sam believes Joe feels the same way
  • There's no rush to clean and bandage a bleeding bite mark on the neck
  • No one wonders why Barnabas is fully dressed at 4 a.m.
  • Vicki needs to explain to Jason the meaning of dead
  • Jason threatens to go all the way with Willie
  • Everyday, some poor kid has to bicycle miles up a hill to an isolated mansion to deliver a newspaper
  • Barnabas hopes his vivid retelling of a young suicide wasn't upsetting for Carolyn
  • Magette thinks formal dinner dress means a 19th century wedding gown
  • Paint brushes remind Sam of Maggie
  • Barnabas needs better curtains and door locks
  • Roger thinks David is more upset over Maggie missing than having just watched his mother burn to death
  • Victoria is a seething cauldron of repressed rage
  • Magette is looking for little boys
  • Burke doesn't know what a microphone is
  • Woodard doesn't charge for unscheduled consultations
  • Jason doesn't sense the irony of wanting to marry the woman he's been blackmailing for murdering her husband
  • Dr. Woodard makes unsolicited house calls after hours
  • Jason finds Barnabas' relationship with Willie to be odd
  • Every time Burkes looks at Victoria he gets scared
  • After Barnabas randomly switches blood slides, Dr. Woodard is baffled why Willie is pregnant
  • Attorney Richard Garner mistook Carolyn for a coat rack
  • Elizabeth makes her lawyer drive an hour for a 5 minute conversation that resolves nothing
  • Vicki has forgotten all about boyfriend Frank Garner and finding her parents
  • Sheriff Patterson mistook Maggie for a big, ugly beast in the woods
  • The hinges on Barnabas' coffin need to be oiled
  • Roger thinks Jason is a genital liar
  • Maggie can't wait to get back to being a diner waitress and her drunkard father
  • It's hard to not be pessimistic about Maggie
  • Carolyn looks for love in the local phonebook
  • Sometimes, Buzz just likes to watch
  • Clearly Willie has learned the art of the bum's rush
  • Elizabeth asks an orphan for advice on raising children
  • Sarah's dreary rendition of "London Bridge" is driving Maggie to the brink of insanity
  • Willie's will ain't Willie's no more and it gives Willie the willies
  • Josette's music box is powered by a dilithium crystal
  • Drunk driving and vehicular homicide runs in the family
  • Willie urges Maggie to drink milk knowing Barnabas' Achilles heel is lactose intolerance
  • Sarah's ghost dolly died in a violent murder-suicide pact with Ken
  • Barnabas, who remembers the most arcane details of the Old House construction, forgot the cell had a secret passage out
  • Dr. Woodard is no psychiatrist, and he's no genius either
  • Dr. Hoffman changed genders since the time Maggie's lab samples were stolen
  • Dr. Hoffman has an unusually clinical way of introducing herself
  • Sam expects spending time with Maggie will be painful to them both
  • The cliffs of Widows' Hill are hundreds of feet above the ocean!
  • David didn't make the cut for the Collins Family Bible
  • Roger struggles to wish Elizabeth happiness
  • It's best to pretend someone's failed suicide attempt never happened
  • Carolyn takes no comfort in learning her father has always been nearby and underfoot
  • Apparently Paul Stoddard was very short man
  • Roger admits had he known Elizabeth's secret, he too would have blackmailed her into marriage
  • Mrs. Johnson does a piss-poor job of keeping the basement tidy
  • Sheriff Patterson reaches the only logical conclusion: Paul Stoddard never existed
  • Elizabeth concedes that confessing murder was a mistake
  • Carolyn learns her father is alive, but simply ran off with another man
  • Carolyn wishes Jason were 2 million miles away, or roughly on Mars
  • At this point, even Sarah the child ghost could beat up Willie
  • Jason never really questions why creepy Barnabas has coffins in the basement
  • Victoria concedes that her mind is fragile and delicate
  • The Collinses are terrible at playing charades
  • With ghosts and madmen running rampant, David is left alone at home
  • Roger dreams of lovely ladies jumping to their deaths
  • Barnabas wears Dutch wooden clogs
  • Maggie hears tinkling far off in the distance
  • Victoria can't help it if she's attracted to Josette
  • Barnabas is kind of strange when it comes to seeing little girls
  • Julia interprets Maggie remembering what coldness means as tremendous progress
  • Happy 237th birthday, Josette Collins!

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