Steve and Susan have had an argument about their future, and Susan storms out of Steve's flat in tears. While Steve tries repeatedly to ring Susan, his courage failing every time, the girls are locked in a debate over the merits of 1471, and what it means if the phone "chirps". Eventually the tension at both ends of the phone gets too much. The boys and the girls set out for "the Temple of Woman': in the girls' case, a beauty salon; in the boys' case, a lap dancing club.

Jeff is still trying to decide whether he should cheat on his girlfriend Julia with Wilma, or not. While his friends try to help him, Jeff is no match in this debate for "devil woman" Wilma. She knows every argument that Susan (the expert in getting her own way) has ever used. Jeff paints himself into a terrifyingly extreme conversational corner, until he blurts out that the reason he can't have sex with Wilma is that his girlfriend is dead...

Sally is surprised to say the least when Patrick arrives at her flat at three in the morning to get rid of a spider for her. It turns out that he dreamt her distress call. What can this mean? Does Patrick subconsciously want to protect Sally? More shockingly, does Patrick have a subconscious? Encouraged by their friends, Sally and Patrick independently tell the story of how they first met...

Steve is troubled by a blemish on his bottom, which Susan hasn't noticed. James remembers where he knows Susan from. Jeff and Julia try spicing up their love life, but he loses the key to the handcuffs. Then Julia's chunky ex-boyfriend calls round, and he has to pretend that they're not a couple.

Susan has invited everyone over for dinner, which as we know is just asking for trouble. Steve is particularly worried because Susan has recently redecorated the bathroom, and removed the lock, thus robbing him of his Fortress of Solitude. Sally's worry is that Patrick is bringing his new girlfriend: she's frightened that she will overcompensate her feelings of hostility towards her new rival by being embarrassingly nice. Patrick dimly perceives there might be a problem, so has told Jennifer that Sally is a lesbian...

Sally is terrified that she might be pregnant, so she takes a pregnancy test and asks the other girls to do the same so that she knows what a negative result looks like. In her fluster she gets the tests muddled up. One of the girls is pregnant, but which one?