Two and a Half Men (2003)
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Susan Beavers — Writer
Episodes 55
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
Read MoreCamel Filters and Pheromones
Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
Read MoreBack Off, Mary Poppins
Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
Read MoreYes, Monsignor
When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, and now has a child. Now he must try to convince Lisa that he's okay with her having a child. While Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing so well in school.
Read MoreSmell the Umbrella Stand
Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.
Read MoreCan You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.
Read MoreSquab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.
Read MoreDoes This Smell Funny to You?
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.
Read MorePrincipal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.
Read MoreSanta's Village of the Damned
Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.
Read MoreLove Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.
Read MoreErgo, the Booty Call
Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.
Read MoreAlways a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.
Read MoreThat Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.
Read MoreWho's Vod Kanockers?
Charlie finally tells Alan that he didn't marry Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out of the house, but Alan finds a hole in his logic. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbor who constantly sings all the time, who happens to be Steven Tyler.
Read MoreA Pot Smoking Monkey
Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.
Read MoreA Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage maybe derailed due to Jake’s dislike of his mother’s fiancé.
Read MoreRelease the Dogs
Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.
Read MoreWalnuts and Demerol
Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.
Read MoreDon't Worry, Speed Racer
Jake shares that he has heard his mother having sex with her fiancée, Herb; this revelation brings up a repressed memory for Charlie. This leads Charlie to seek help from Rose.
Read MoreThat's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.
Read MoreI Merely Slept With a Commie
After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend’s funeral, the boys share their feelings that this could also be the case at her funeral. Evelyn tries to prove them wrong by introducing them to a couple she help adopt a boy from China. The boys return fire by inviting the young man to a play date with Jake.
Read MoreSmooth as a Ken Doll
Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.
Read MoreProstitutes and Gelato
Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'
Read MoreMedia Room Slash Dungeon
Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.
Read MoreCity of Great Racks
Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
Read MoreHelp Daddy Find His Toenail
Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.
Read MoreMeander to Your Dander
When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.
Read MoreLook At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.
Read MorePie Hole, Herb
Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.
Read MoreA Jock Strap in Hell
Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion.
Read MoreThe Mooch at the Boo
Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.
Read MoreHe Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake discovers a hidden talent in the culinary arts that may allow him to bypass college altogether.
Read MoreI'd Like to Start With the Cat
Charlie ends up in couples counseling.
Read MoreThe 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her
Read MoreMy Son's Enormous Head
Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.
Read MoreThe Two Finger Rule
After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.
Read MoreHello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.
Read MoreSir Lancelot's Litter Box
Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much space left in the house for him.
Read MoreBaseball Was Better with Steroids
Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.
Read More818-jklpuzo
Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.
Read MoreLaxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.
Read MoreAye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)
Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.
Read MoreGumby with a Pokey
Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.
Read MoreA Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.
Read MoreHookers, Hookers, Hookers
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Read MoreDead from the Waist Down
Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.
Read MoreLookin' for Japanese Subs
Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts.
Read MoreThat Darn Priest
Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.
Read MoreA Giant Cat Holding a Churro
Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
Read MoreThe Squat and the Hover
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
Read MoreFrodo's Headshots
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
Read MoreA Possum on Chemo
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
Read MoreMr. Hose Says 'Yes'
Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey
Read MoreThe Straw in My Donut Hole
Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.
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