Susan Beavers — Writer

Episodes 55

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

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Camel Filters and Pheromones

73%
January 4, 200421m
1x12

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

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Back Off, Mary Poppins

76%
September 19, 200430m
2x1

Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.

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Yes, Monsignor

69%
November 21, 2004
2x9

When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, and now has a child. Now he must try to convince Lisa that he's okay with her having a child. While Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing so well in school.

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Smell the Umbrella Stand

72%
February 6, 2005
2x15

Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.

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2x16

When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

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2x23

Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

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Does This Smell Funny to You?

66%
Season Finale
May 22, 2005
2x24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

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Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

70%
September 26, 2005
3x2

Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

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Santa's Village of the Damned

76%
Mid-Season Finale
December 19, 2005
3x11

Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

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Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

80%
February 6, 2006
3x14

Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

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Ergo, the Booty Call

79%
March 6, 2006
3x16

Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

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3x20

Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

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That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

74%
Season Finale
May 22, 2006
3x24

Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

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Who's Vod Kanockers?

73%
September 25, 2006
4x2

Charlie finally tells Alan that he didn't marry Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out of the house, but Alan finds a hole in his logic. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbor who constantly sings all the time, who happens to be Steven Tyler.

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A Pot Smoking Monkey

73%
October 9, 2006
4x4

Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.

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A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

75%
October 16, 2006
4x5

Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage maybe derailed due to Jake’s dislike of his mother’s fiancé.

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Release the Dogs

74%
November 13, 2006
4x8

Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.

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Walnuts and Demerol

77%
Mid-Season Finale
December 11, 2006
4x11

Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

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Don't Worry, Speed Racer

68%
January 22, 2007
4x13

Jake shares that he has heard his mother having sex with her fiancée, Herb; this revelation brings up a repressed memory for Charlie. This leads Charlie to seek help from Rose.

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That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

70%
February 5, 2007
4x14

Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.

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I Merely Slept With a Commie

56%
February 26, 2007
4x17

After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend’s funeral, the boys share their feelings that this could also be the case at her funeral. Evelyn tries to prove them wrong by introducing them to a couple she help adopt a boy from China. The boys return fire by inviting the young man to a play date with Jake.

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Smooth as a Ken Doll

74%
April 9, 2007
4x19

Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.

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Prostitutes and Gelato

68%
Season Finale
May 14, 2007
4x24

Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

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Media Room Slash Dungeon

66%
October 1, 2007
5x2

Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.

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City of Great Racks

75%
October 15, 2007
5x4

Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.

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Help Daddy Find His Toenail

70%
October 29, 2007
5x6

Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.

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Meander to Your Dander

74%
March 17, 2008
5x11

When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.

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Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

74%
April 28, 2008
5x16

Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.

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Pie Hole, Herb

73%
September 29, 2008
6x2

Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.

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A Jock Strap in Hell

64%
October 20, 2008
6x5

Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion.

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The Mooch at the Boo

79%
November 24, 2008
6x9

Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

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He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

70%
December 8, 2008
6x10

Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake discovers a hidden talent in the culinary arts that may allow him to bypass college altogether.

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I'd Like to Start With the Cat

70%
February 9, 2009
6x15

Charlie ends up in couples counseling.

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The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?

72%
March 9, 2009
6x17

Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her

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My Son's Enormous Head

71%
March 16, 2009
6x18

Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.

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The Two Finger Rule

74%
March 30, 2009
6x19

After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

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Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

73%
April 13, 2009
6x20

Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

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Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

69%
May 4, 2009
6x22

Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much space left in the house for him.

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Baseball Was Better with Steroids

71%
Season Finale
May 18, 2009
6x24

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

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818-jklpuzo

71%
September 21, 2009
7x1

Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

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Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

68%
October 12, 2009
7x4

Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.

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Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)

59%
February 8, 2010
7x15

Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.

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Gumby with a Pokey

70%
May 17, 2010
7x21

Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.

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A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

72%
September 27, 2010
8x2

Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.

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Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

64%
October 11, 2010
8x4

Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.

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Dead from the Waist Down

67%
December 6, 2010
8x11

Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.

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Lookin' for Japanese Subs

57%
January 17, 2011
8x14

Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts.

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That Darn Priest

68%
Season Finale
February 14, 2011
8x16

Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.

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A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

47%
October 17, 201120m
9x5

Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.

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The Squat and the Hover

44%
October 24, 201121m
9x6

Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

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Frodo's Headshots

50%
November 14, 201121m
9x9

Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.

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A Possum on Chemo

48%
January 16, 201220m
9x14

Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.

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Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'

49%
April 16, 201221m
9x21

Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey

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The Straw in My Donut Hole

44%
May 7, 201221m
9x23

Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.

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