It's Suzy's first day as a teacher but none of her training has prepared her to cope with Galfast High School. She soon encounters Eric Slatt, the incompetent yet ambitious Deputy Headmaster, who manages to make a bad school worse. There are dead rats in the water tank, a dead teacher in one of the classrooms and the pupils are revolting in every sense of the word.

A disillusioned pupil is interviewed on local radio and rumours begin to spread about Galfast High School. A television news crew turns up to investigate the rumours while the staff are having a meeting. Eric Slatt has finds himself trapped and in desperate need of a trip to the toilet.

One of the sixth formers at Galfast High School becomes a mother, but who is the father ? Surely it can't be Eric Slatt ? And who is 'Pumpman' ?

The school is about to be inspected, so Eric Slatt has started to panic. He becomes even more panic-stricken when he finds that all of the pupils have disappeared.

Eric Slatt is worried when his mother threatens to pay a visit. He's afraid that details of his childhood, which he would rather keep hidden, will be revealed. He also has to cope with the annual football match between pupils and staff.