When their competitor releases a catchy ad, Claire and Jay race to shoot a commercial of their own.

Phil convinces Lily to help with hatch the ducks he made a habitat for; Claire wants to impress her father with some ideas she has for the business; Cam spends time bonding with the frat guys.

Jay and Gloria are suffering with a lack of sleep after Joe goes through a fussy phase. Claire's balance of life and work is so flawless and easy that her family is getting suspicious. Mitchell and Cameron are poorly treated at their friends' wedding and wonder what they did to deserve it.

With Closet-Con right around the corner, Claire is on high alert and convinced there is a mole in the company. Meanwhile, Phil goes vigilante when he and Gloria confront Auntie Alice for stealing her hot sauce recipe. Jay tries to teach Joe how to do some manly handy work, and with prom coming up, Mitch helps Luke with his "promposal" while Cam helps with Manny's, but Cam goes a little overboard, revealing that there maybe something deeper going on.

Claire can’t seem to find the right time to fire one of her employees, while, back at home, Phil thinks he caught Luke with a girl in his bed, and no one seems to notice that Alex has moved back home for the summer. Jay refuses to accept that it might be harder to reenter the workforce than he thought, and Cameron and Mitch butt heads on how to share time with Lily now that Cameron took a summer job in Kansas City.

Fearful that the romance between him and Claire is fizzling, Phil calls upon his altar ego, Clive Bixby, to get Valentines day back on track. Meanwhile, much to Gloria’s chagrin, Jay shows a bit of child favoritism when they must deal with Joe’s inappropriate Valentine gift-giving and Manny’s dating indecisiveness. When Cam and Mitch try to empower Lily, Haley and Sal to stand up to the men in their lives, things don’t turn out as planned. Finally, Alex discovers she has a secret admirer who may be a little too involved with family.

Despite their lofty hopes, Phil and Jay's property investment might turn out to be a bust, forcing Phil to rethink his original dream. Meanwhile, Cam lands in the hospital due to a head injury and refuses to have an MRI thanks to a traumatic incident with a well when he was a child. Determined to finally impress Claire and keep her from re-gifting her birthday present, Gloria surprises her with a day of luxury at the office. However, after Claire had to implement some rather harsh budget cuts at work, a massage at her desk may not be sending the right message.

Cam is enraged when he receives an online video showing someone has been desecrating his beloved Fizbo costume, which sets him on a quest to restore Fizbo’s good name. Meanwhile, Phil is in for quite the surprise when he finally meets his new soon-to-be step-brother at Frank’s bachelor party. Finally, Manny’s newest play hits a little too close to home for Gloria, Claire and Haley when he enlists them to do a read through before he submits it to a young playwright festival.

After choking at last year’s charity basketball game, Phil has been training all year to redeem himself. However, when NBA stars Charles Barkley and DeAndre Jordan attend the game and start making bets, Phil tries to not buckle under the pressure. Meanwhile, Gloria has to step-up at Manny’s school when her nemesis, Donna Duncan, tries to shame her for her lack of support at the school. Finally, Claire does whatever it takes to keep a work mistake secret from Jay, while Jay’s concerned that Joe doesn’t have a healthy fear of him at all.

So much can happen to the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker clan in five minutes! Mitch and Cam have five minutes to catch a new flight while fighting the effects of sleeping pills they took prematurely. Then at Rainer’s birthday dinner, Haley and Rainer are forced to reevaluate their entire relationship in the five minutes before the birthday cake arrives. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire pay a surprise visit to Alex and are given a five-minute surprise introduction to her new boyfriend. Finally, with only five minutes to catch a movie, Manny has to find the perfect parking space and endure Jay and Gloria’s backseat argument.

Jay forces the family to take their family vacation on a houseboat on a lake in an effort to create memories that will last long after he’s gone. Meanwhile, Mitchell runs into an old flame that opens some old wounds; Cam has to stay out of the sun at all costs; Phil and Claire try out some adventureous excursions; and the kids’ quest for a good time may not be as fun as they expected.

Jay’s best friend, Shorty, is back from Costa Rica and stays at the house so they can catch up and reconnect. However, Shorty is spending more time with Gloria and seems to be avoiding Jay. Meanwhile, Alex is ready to shed her good-girl image and is going to prove to Claire that her relationship with Ben is definitely a sexual relationship.

Phil and Claire still want to celebrate Halloween in a big way, but it seems no one shares their same enthusiasm making them wonder if maybe everyone is right. Over at the Pritchett’s, Mitch and Cam are frustrated by how long Jay is taking to finish their kitchen remodel, which forces Mitch to finally stand up to his dad. Meanwhile, Gloria’s hospitality is wearing thin when Cam oversteps his boundaries as a house guest.