The Angriest Man in Brooklyn (2014)

Written by tmdb28039023 on August 27, 2022

Who other than Jason Statham in Crank or a very small child (about Peter Dinklage’s height) would believe you if you told them they have 90 minutes to live? Possibly the same people who'd laugh watching this movie, since only the very credulous will believe what passes for humor in this film to be funny. Here is a movie that thinks James Earl Jones as a stuttering video store owner is comedic gold, when in fact taking one of the most potent voices ever in cinema and giving it a speech impediment is nothing short of stupid (even dumber than not giving Nic Cage any dialogue in Willy’s Wonderland).

Henry Altmann (Williams), the titular angriest man in Brooklyn – though I’ve seen’em a lot angrier; Michael Douglas in Falling Down and Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast come to mind –, has a “short list” of things he hates. This list contains more than 30 items that we know of. See? It’s funny because the list is not really short ha, ha. It would have been much funnier, however, if the list was comprised of original entries, instead of easy targets such as “the Knicks” or “dog crap” or “the smell of urine.” Who among us does not hate these things?

Henry goes to a doctor’s appointment and is told to put on a hospital gown. The kind of gown that opens in the back, and you don’t really need me to tell you where this is going. See? Because exposed derrières are funny ha, ha. Curiously, Henry knows he doesn’t need a hospital gown – he actually says as much –, so why does he wear it anyway?

The most inexplicable thing in a movie whose very existence defies logic is the narration. Or should I say narrations, plural? Some of Henry’s scenes feature narration by Williams, and ditto for Kunis as Dr. Sharon Gill (Henry’s physician). For some reason they both narrate in the third person. Here’s an idea: why not get a third party to do any and all narration? Someone like James Earl Jones, for example (preferably without the stutter).