When one of Jack's students anonymously reports him for canceling their much-anticipated fetal pig dissection, he sets out to find the snitch. Durbin's chances at Principal of the Year are in jeopardy when the superintendent visits.

In the hectic thirty minutes that start every day at Whitlock, Jack tries to retrieve his massage chair from Whitlock's intriguing payroll accountant, Lynette. Durbin and Helen prepare for the morning announcements. Michelle gives a eulogy.

Jack uses Michelle's annual murder mystery party to impress Lynette. Meanwhile, in a moment of desperation, the students break into Whitlock High to steal the A.P. Bio practice exams.

Jack's war with his neighbor reaches a turning point when it threatens to ruin a date with Lynette. When the school photographer ups his rate, Durbin takes school pictures into his own hands.

Jack is outraged when his old high school bully is hired as a motivational speaker at Whitlock. Mary, Stef and Michelle set their own personal goals of female empowerment, unintentionally causing a rift between Helen and Durbin.

When he's kicked off his Harvard phone plan, Jack is offered a chance to leapfrog onto Mary's on one condition: He helps her break up with her scuzzy boyfriend. Meanwhile, Anthony becomes Durbin's right-hand man.

It's the most exciting time of the year at Whitlock: Durbin's birthday and Spirit Week. Jack does his best to steer clear of any school spirit as everyone else comes together to take down their hated rivals at Prairie High.

When Jack is disappointed with the popcorn maker he orders, he and the students plot revenge. Helen goes back to school to get her high school degree and chaos ensues in Principal Durbin's office in her absence.

Mr. Pugh plans a field trip for the Toledo chapter of the Ohio Naturalists. When Jack can't write his own book, he agrees to be ghostwrite for popular author Robin Shwank -- only to insert his own chapters into Shwank's book.

Jack accidentally loses a significant amount of money and it falls in the hands of the students. As Principal Durbin and Helen investigate who stole the money, the students and teachers admit to other wrongdoings.

Principal Durbin takes it upon himself to help Jack advance his book with an appearance on Toledo's morning TV show but lets his five minutes of fame get the best of him. The other teachers lead a competition within the Young Entrepreneurs Club.

Jack has Mary drive him to the doctor, but a prank results in him getting the same procedure twice. At school, Durbin and Helen embarrass themselves and the kids compete over class superlative titles.

As the school prepares for winter break, Jack tries to record a lecture on Thoreau's transcendentalism as a way into the University of Wisconsin's philosophy department. Frustrated and unable to finish the video, he falls asleep and has nightmares.

Principal Durbin and Helen sweep lockers. Jack finds out that Anthony has been lying about his extracurricular activities. Jack and Lynette follow Anthony to find out what he's really been up to. The search for Stef's baby donor intensifies.

While the rest of the town prepares for the celebration of Toledo's annual Katie Holmes Day, Jack and Marissa plot to ruin the holiday pageant.

Jack has the students form a fake cult to sabotage Principal Durbin's new school uniforms.

Jack attempts to get closer with the guys at work. Helen helps Principal Durbin grow a backbone.