Green Acres (1965)
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Pat Buttram as Pat Buttram
Episodes 43
The Best Laid Plans
While Oliver makes plans to get the farm in working order, Lisa travels to New York to pack up their furniture. The Hooterville locals begin gossiping, assuming Lisa left him for good. While she's in the city, Oliver's mother connects her with an architect who designs an extravagant country club.
Read MoreMy Husband, the Rooster Renter
Mr. Haney rents Bertram the rooster to Oliver for fifty cents a day. Unfortunately, he's a "pecker", not a "crower", so he also gets a chicken named Alice. Oliver then sets about getting a phone installed in the kitchen (though the line won't be connected for three months), the plumbing and roof fixed, and electricity via a rickety power generator. Mr. Douglas also meets his county farm agent, the absent-minded Hank Kimball, who takes some soil samples for analyzing.
Read MoreFurniture, Furniture, Who's Got the Furniture?
Oliver's mother sends the Douglases their furniture from New York, while she also rides down to visit them. While Oliver and Lisa wait for the furniture to arrive, Eunice is stuck with Uncle Joe on his handcar, getting to Hooterville. Things go bad to worse when Eunice finds herself the target of Newt Kiley's bull, and the Douglases' furniture is delivered to Mr. Haney's instead.
Read MoreNeighborliness
Oliver is frustrated because, among other problems, his new plow won't arrive in time for planting season. Uncle Joe has a solution that, naturally, benefits him as well. He charges farmers one dollar each to enter a plowing contest, promising them free lunch and big prizes. This is all news to Oliver as the neighbors on their tractors start descending on his farm.
Read MoreYou Can't Plug in a 2 with a 6
It's planting time in Hooterville and Oliver is shocked that the locals make their crop choices based on aches and pains. Back on the farm, Oliver assigns every electrical device a number from one to seven in an effort to keep their creaky generator from blowing. All gadgets up to a total of seven can be plugged in at the same time, but Lisa can't quite grasp the concept.
Read MoreDon't Call Us, We'll Call You
With their phone still not connected, Oliver asks Mr. Kimball to put some pressure on his mother, who owns the telephone company. Kimball says he and his mother aren't speaking, but Oliver convinces him to make up with her. His mom is so grateful, she promptly has a phone installed--on top of a pole outside their bedroom.
Read MoreParity Begins at Home
Oliver wants to plant wheat on all 160 of his acres, but the local agricultural committee says he can only do eight. Incensed, Oliver takes his complaints all the way to Washington. Surprisingly, Haney sides with Oliver and prepares to fight the National Guard in "The Siege of Green Acres".
Read MoreWhat Happened in Scranton?
Lisa is shocked that Hooterville doesn't have a beauty salon. She calls her mother-in-law who ships out her hair dresser, Claude. (She blackmails him with one word: "Scranton".) Setting up shop on the Cannonball, he gives the Hooterville women new hairdos. Now, they're too "beautiful" for farm work.
Read MoreHow to Enlarge a Bedroom
After Lisa delivers an ultimatum, Oliver hires incompetent carpenters Alf and Ralph Monroe to enlarge the tiny bedroom. The Monroes have just begun moving the walls when the building inspector, the father of Eb's girlfriend, "disapproves" the project and condemns the whole house. Oliver is left with an open air bedroom without a roof.
Read MoreLisa Bakes a Cake
Oliver's upset that Lisa listed him the new phone directory as an attorney. He fears he'll be flooded with calls wanting his legal advice. Instead, lawyer Douglas becomes cranky when his phone doesn't ring. Meanwhile, Lisa tackles a formidable task in the kitchen: baking a cake. When Oliver finally gets a potential client, the unlucky man encounters Ralph's plank, Lisa's 20-pound pound cake and Haney's truck.
Read MoreThe Price of Apples
Oliver will make considerable more on his apple crop if he gets his to market first. He hires local highschoolers to pick the fruit and uses their old truck to haul them. As the rickety truck suffers numerous breakdowns, the apple prices begin to drop. Finally, Lisa's hotscakes come to the rescue.
Read MoreThe Day of Decision
Lisa agreed to try out Green Acres for six months. Today's the day she decides whether to stay in Hooterville or return to New York. Everyone anxiously awaits her decision. In the meantime, Oliver flashes back to their first days on the farm, his physical mishaps around the house, and Haney's lousy products.
Read MoreThe Deputy
Sam Drucker's off for a two-week vacation to visit his sister, leaving Oliver to take over his duties as deputy sheriff. Complications ensue when Oliver demonstrates how to use a pair of handcuffs to Lisa before discovering that he's lost the keys.
Read MoreDouble Drick
Tired of repairing the rickety generator that Haney sold him, Oliver checks on the status of his electricity. Learning that his application was never mailed, Oliver decides to deal with the power company in person. He finds that nothing in Hooterville is done simply--or correctly; he ends up with a meter that runs even when it's disconnected and another pole by the bedroom window.
Read MoreThe Ballad of Molly Turgis
Oliver wants to write a folk song about local legend Molly Turgis, a woman so ugly she was run out of Hooterville. Facts are hard to come by, though, because the mere mention of her name causes bad to happen. Lisa feels sorry for Molly and offers to give her a make-over.
Read MoreSend a Boy to College
Eb's talent for curing sick animals leads the Douglases to send him to veterinarian school. Unfortunately, his college career is short-lived due to one small oversite.
Read MoreHorse? What Horse?
Lisa belives that Oliver's beginning to crack under the pressure of running the farm. After Oliver claims to have seen a spotted horse and a zebra, she calls Doc Watson to give him a checkup. Lisa's attempt to slip Oliver a sedative backfires, resulting in her taking a very long nap.
Read MoreThe Rains Came
A drought in Hooterville has crops wilting in the fields. Oliver is so desperate, he agrees to pay Haney $350 if he can bring some relief. That's when Haney presents dancing Chief Thundercloud. When the rains eventually arrive, Oliver refuses to pay. He says the Chief's dancing is not what did the trick.
Read MoreCulture
The "Every Other Wednesday Afternoon Discussion Club" decides to bring culture to the valley by starting the Hooterville Symphony Orchestra. Oliver calls the women "nuts" for considering such a ridiculous idea. Undeterred, Lisa calls her conductor friend Sir Geffory, aka "Poopsie", to come and conduct the orchestra. What he encounters is the Hooterville Volunteer Fire Department Marching Band playing the only song they know.
Read MoreUncle Ollie
Oliver's groovy nephew arrives in Hooterville on his motorcycle with long hair, hip lingo and no interest in work. Chuck is excellent with motors, however, and proceeds to "soup up" all the vehicles in the valley. The easily influenced Eb is quick to decide he wants to be a beatnick.
Read MoreWings Over Hooterville
Lisa tells the story of how she and Oliver met. During WWII, Oliver's plane was shot down and he was stranded in a tree. Lisa rescues Oliver, but doesn't trust him because he ""spends more time talking than smooching"". After Lisa's story, the farmers of Hooterville discover their crops are being destroyed by some unknown insect. Mr. Kimball identifies it as the ""Bing Bug"". The farmers appoint Oliver to dust all the crops, but not being in the cockpit for years causes trouble for Oliver in Mr. Haney's cheap plane.
Read MoreWater, Water Everywhere
Mr. Haney has Willie the well-witcher to witch him a new well. But when Mr. Haney has plenty of water, Oliver loses his water. The same thing happens when Oliver has a new well witched, then the Ziffels run out of water. When they get a new well, then Mr. Drucker runs out of water. Oliver decides that Hooterville should open a reservoir. Soon afterwards, everyone has enough water, but when everyone turns on their faucets, they lose their electricity.
Read MoreThe Good Old Days
Lisa is homesick for the Park Avenue penthouse. So Oliver tells her the story of Gus and Etta, a farmer and his Hungarian wife who are broken and poor, but make the best of their new-found farm life. Unfortunately, the story ends with their farm being destroyed by a freak flood, and Lisa then longs for Park Avenue even more.
Read MoreYou Ought to Be in Pictures
James Stuart from the agricultural department wants to do a film on the pitfalls of new farmers. The locals think "Jimmy Stewart" is coming to make a big Hollywood movie so they all enroll in Haney's acting school. In the meantime, Oliver's farming practices prove especially embarrassing for the camera.
Read MoreA Home Isn't Built in a Day
Tired of living in a dump, Lisa demands some serious home improvements. Oliver fires the Monroe brothers and hires an architect to draw up plans. Renovations come to a screeching halt thanks to the Monroes' picket line and famous Hootervillian Rutherford B. Skrug.
Read MoreA Square is Not Round
The Douglases try to determine which of their hens is laying square eggs. Once word gets out, Haney and a chicken breeder both want in on the action. Oddly, the cube-shaped eggs don't worry Oliver nearly as much as their toaster that operates when you say the number "five".
Read MoreAn Old Fashioned Christmas
Oliver decides to have an old fashioned Christmas by chopping down a tree off his property. Mr. Haney warns him that it's against the law to chop down a tree on his own property.
So Oilver goes to Drucker's & asks Sam if there's such a law as that. Mr. Drucker tries to sell him an artificial tree with a squirter to squirt the pine ooze out as well as artificial candy canes & popcorn string. Mr. Drucker advises him to get a permit from Hank Kimball, County Agent.
After getting the permit, he finally gets to decorate his tree.
Over @ the Ziffels, Doris is upset that Arnold has an artificial tree & tells Fred that Mr. Douglas had the right idea.
The gang attends the Douglas home to admire the Christmas tree. But they are chased away when Lisa brings out the fruitcakes made out of hotcakes!
Read MoreNever Trust a Little Old Lady
It's tomato planting season and Oliver needs some useful weather information. Hooterville relies on WPIXL-TV's Mildred, a little old lady who prances out of her dollhouse, or Walter, the singing weatherman. Both are constantly wrong so Oliver contacts the Weather Bureau which predicts warm days and nights. With the plants in the ground, Hooterville suffers the coldest night of the year. Incredibly, it's Lisa's crepe suzettes that save the crop from the cold.
Read MoreHis Honor
Oliver misunderstands when the Hooterville bigwigs ask him to be a judge. He thinks he's being appointed an appellate judge but they just want him to judge apples at the county fair. The Douglases travel to New York so Oliver can get some judging advice while Lisa shops for a robe and wig for His Honor.
Read MoreIt's So Peaceful in the Country
Oliver's mother needs bed rest so what better place than her son's farm. All she has to do is ignore Alf and Ralph's drilling, Haney's tour group, a group of dancing Sioux Indians and their chief who think's she's a looker.
Read MoreIt's Human to Be Humane
Bored and looking for a project, Lisa becomes the head of the "Hooterville Human Humane Committee". She takes her cause to the extreme, declaring everything from duck hunting to selling chicken eggs off limits. Soon, the Douglases house is a zoo and the locals are ready to run her out of town.
Read MoreNever Take Your Wife to a Convention
The only thing Oliver learns at a farming convention is how to get a hangover. He and Lisa meet up with Charlie, a former gangster-turned-farmer, and Wanda, his floozy dancer wife. The more Charlie talks about his farm, the more Oliver's convinced that his shady days are not in the past.
Read MoreThe Computer Age
A desperate Ralph Monroe joins a computer dating service to meet a husband. Oliver thinks it's a great idea since computers are always right. Lisa thinks they can't possibly take the place of romance, so she challenges Oliver to test their match-up on the electric brain.
Read MoreNever Start Talking Unless Your Voice Comes Out
Oliver has to choose between being a farmer or lawyer when he gets an offer to practice in Washington, D. C. The official-looking letter, however, has the locals convinced that Oliver is hiding an juicy secret from them. After ruling out tax cheat and counterfeiter, that leaves only one choice: CIA agent.
Read MoreThe Beverly Hillbillies
When the cast takes ill, the Douglases take to the stage in a charity production of The Beverly Hillbillies. After Eb "punches up" a script from the series, Hank Kimball plays Jed Clampett, Oliver appears as Jethro and Lisa portrays Granny with a combination Hungarian/southern accent.
Read MoreLisa's Vegetable Garden
According to Oliver, every farm wife should be growing her own vegetables so Lisa starts her own garden. Armed with useless pamphlets from Mr. Kimball and a flask of perfume, Lisa begins work. It's hardly a money-saving proposition after she buys a tractor, farm supplies, and hires Alf and Ralph as her housekeepers.
Read MoreThe Saucer Season
Once Eb's wild story about meeting space aliens hits the press, tourists descend on the Douglas farm to meet the new celebrity. Oliver's more concerned about the crowd trampling his crops, but the Air Force takes his claim seriously...at first.
Read MoreGetting Even With Haney
Tired of Doris' nagging about having to beat their laundry on a rock in the creek, Fred buys a Grabwell washing machine from Mr. Haney. The boat motor in a barrel goes berzerk, spraying water and clothes everywhere before chasing the Ziffels out their front door. Oliver is more than happy to take their case and stick it to Haney in the courtroom.
Read MoreLove Comes to Arnold Ziffel
An unlikely but hilarious love affair between Arnold the pig and Cynthia the basset hound captivates the residents of Hooterville.
Read MoreThe Birthday Gift
For Lisa's birthday gift, Oliver plans to gets her a horse. Mr Haney delivers one, and it's not your average nag. Its name is Mr. Fred, a talking horse who's also a has-been TV star. Meanwhile, the locals decide that Lisa has a drinking habit and attempt an intervention.
Read MoreRetreat From Washington
With the Douglases in Washington, the "Haney Farm Mindin' Service" leases out their house (for $4 a day) to a couple with six children. Meanwhile in D.C., Lisa and Eb go to the White House to have unannounced lunch with the president, Kimball causes chaos for the Secretary of Agriculture, and Arnold causes problems in a laundromat. Oliver calls an early end to their trip, forcing Haney to quickly dispose of his new tenants.
Read MoreEverybody Tries to Love a Countess
Oliver loses all hopes of getting rid of his mother-in-law when Mr Haney and Uncle Joe Carson vie to become his father-in-law.
Read MoreA Girl for Drobny
Drobny the pet duck, which Lisa received from her uncle in Hungary, is lonesome. He annoys Oliver by playing his phonograph and dancing while Oliver is trying to do his taxes. Lisa sets out to perk up Drobny's loneliness by inviting Arnold the pig over to play. But alas the language barrier is to great to overcome. Drobny speaks only Hungarian, while Arnold speaks English, French, Spanish, and a little Japanese. Lisa decides Drobny needs a girlfriend and they set out to secure one for him. Mr. Haney tries to sell Gertrude the female duck, to the Douglases for $600. When that fails, he accepts the $20 that Oliver offers. Drobny & Gertrude hit it off so well, they are expectant parents soon. But of their 3 offspring, 2 are ducklings and 1 is a baby chick.
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