Two and a Half Men (2003)
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Mary T. Quigley — Co-Producer
Episodes 43
Working for Caligula
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle after Alan moves out of the house. Alan suffers a breakdown after his divorce from Kandi.
Read MoreWho's Vod Kanockers?
Charlie finally tells Alan that he didn't marry Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out of the house, but Alan finds a hole in his logic. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbor who constantly sings all the time, who happens to be Steven Tyler.
Read MoreThe Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father.
Read MoreA Pot Smoking Monkey
Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.
Read MoreA Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage maybe derailed due to Jake’s dislike of his mother’s fiancé.
Read MoreApologies for the Frivolity
Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.
Read MoreRepeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Berta's daughter, Naomi is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby’s father. Alan reveals a secret fetish.
Read MoreRelease the Dogs
Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.
Read MoreCorey's Been Dead for an Hour
Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Jake is left home alone for the first time.
Read MoreKissing Abraham Lincoln
Worrying Charlie may get rid of one of them, Berta and Lydia fight over him. Meanwhile, Kandi does everything she can to stop Alan from selling their condo.
Read MoreWalnuts and Demerol
Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.
Read MoreCastrating Sheep in Montana
Berta discovers that Alan has been dating her daughter Naomi.
Read MoreDon't Worry, Speed Racer
Jake shares that he has heard his mother having sex with her fiancée, Herb; this revelation brings up a repressed memory for Charlie. This leads Charlie to seek help from Rose.
Read MoreThat's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.
Read MoreMy Damn Stalker
Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.
Read MoreYoung People Have Phlegm Too
Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. She invites Alan to meet one of her friends but the men are shocked to learn that they are considered as being "old".
Read MoreI Merely Slept With a Commie
After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend’s funeral, the boys share their feelings that this could also be the case at her funeral. Evelyn tries to prove them wrong by introducing them to a couple she help adopt a boy from China. The boys return fire by inviting the young man to a play date with Jake.
Read MoreIt Never Rains in Hooterville
Alan tries to bond with Jake when he realizes that his childhood is almost over. Kandi pursues a career in acting.
Read MoreSmooth as a Ken Doll
Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.
Read MoreAunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.
Read MoreTucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Alan and Charlie re-examine their sexual identities after Alan befriends Greg, a gay man. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter.
Read MoreMr. McGlue's Feedbag
Jake gets lucky after Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan has a difficult time at the DMV.
Read MoreAnteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Charlie is shocked when the handyman working on his house beats him out for Chloe's affections. Alan has no sympathy for Charlie’s distress.
Read MoreProstitutes and Gelato
Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'
Read MoreLarge Birds, Spiders and Mom
Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.
Read MoreMedia Room Slash Dungeon
Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.
Read MoreDum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress happens to be one of Charlie’s ex-girlfriends. Charlie's date backfires the following morning, when he ends up in court in front of the judge.
Read MoreCity of Great Racks
Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
Read MorePutting Swim Fins on a Cat
Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.
Read MoreHelp Daddy Find His Toenail
Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.
Read MoreOur Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house. Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother.
Read MoreIs There a Mrs. Waffles?
Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.
Read MoreShoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.
Read MoreKinda Like Necrophilia
Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.
Read MoreMeander to Your Dander
When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.
Read MoreA Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.
Read MoreThe Soil Is Moist
Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.
Read MoreWinky-Dink Time
Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.
Read MoreRough Night in Hump Junction
Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.
Read MoreLook At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.
Read MoreFish in a Drawer
CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.
Read MoreIf My Hole Could Talk
Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan and Jake clash over a project for school.
Read MoreWaiting for the Right Snapper
When Charlie meets Angie's soon to be daughter-in-law, he realizes it's not for the first time.
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