After David and Sarah accidentally get drunk at a party, David calls Uncle Ernesto instead of Joaquin to pick them up. Realizing Joaquin will be furious with them for their deceit, David and Ernesto scheme to re-enact the evening by planning a fake party.

When Joaquin gets David a grueling job as a caddy in the hot Arizona sun, David goes behind his father's back and gets a cushy job as a lifeguard, but his secret is revealed when he saves a woman's life. Meanwhile, Ernesto is hurt when his son Daniel seems to prefer hanging out with Joaquin.

After David complains about not being popular like Maria, Ernesto advises him to join the high school football team and ride the bench to avoid the bone-crushing plays, but when Joaquin realizes his son is not in the game, he talks the coach into sending him in to play which ends in a surprising accident. Meanwhile, Maria applies to college and writes an essay about her mixed heritage that makes fun of a certain part of her mother's body.

When Elizabeth takes a job as a bank teller to earn extra money needed for Maria's college education, Joaquin predicts that the kids will suffer, then proceeds to make sure that they do. Meanwhile, Ernesto tries to avoid getting a promotion.