Freshman Dorothy Castlemore is not having a good day. A fresh black eye, a douchey mortal enemy getting in her way and nobody around she can punch. At least she has the internet and a cute new roommate to help cheer her up!

Dorothy has decided which sororities, er, sorority she's going to pledge and makes some unwise choices. Unwise? Unwise.

Dorothy has made some…interesting new friends. Although their sorority skills are great, they have a lot to learn about the internet before they're ready to save anyone.

Meet Dorothy's new boy. And his baggage.

Dorothy is a shoe-in for a bid to MST. Or so she thought. Oh sweet summer child.

How do you solve a problem like Dorothy-Blob? How do you catch a cloud and use it to cheer up your friend who is in the depths of despair because she feels like her life's dreams are over?

What could go wrong at a sleepover? Seriously, trust an Episode Description Writer, this will just be happy fun times!

The gang return from the union meeting and recap their pear-ilous confrontation.

Miller and Dorothy forget the camera is on. A lot. Plus, the girls meet Miller for the first time and at least one terrible pun is made. Seriously, it's awful. My pear pun from last episode description was much better.

Alex and Miller work through the drama of their shared past the best way possible - in front of everyone and a camera! (I should really stop teasing them for forgetting about the camera. If they remembered, I'd be out of a job!)

Despite some tensions, the group goes on a mission to plant a bug in Rick's office. Meanwhile, Alex opens up to the Inseparables about her history with Miller. (We're having a performance review today. I tried extra hard to make this a professional episode description.)

There is a party. And foam swords! There are heart-to-hearts. And foam swords!!! There is dancing. AND FOAM SWORDS! ...I wish I had a foam sword. ...I wish I had friends who would have foam sword fights with me. ...I wish I existed outside of this description box so that I could make friends who would have foam sword fights with me.

Everyone makes smart choices and nothing goes wrong! Is what I would write if I were writing this episode description on opposite day.

Can I tell you a story? It's about 4 friends: Schmorthy, Schmortia, Schmariana & Schmiller. Once upon a time they did not go behind their friend Schmalex's back. The end. The people in this episode are not as sensible as the Schmusketeers.

Blaster toys solve all problems right? Right? Well, Dorothy & Co. seem to think so. And maybe if we all believe hard enough, it'll come true! If you believe, clap your hands! (It's impossible for me to hear you clap, but I'll know whether you did by watching the outcome of this episode.)

Dorothy, Ariana, Miller & Portia. Or as I sometimes call them: DAMP. No. NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING DAMP! DAMP STOP IT NOW. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE DAMP PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.

Sigh. Let's be honest. Our heroes have gone off the rails. And there's nothing you or I can do about it. Excuse me while I go ponder the futility of my existence in a world where I am completely incapable of influencing what will happen and my only purpose in life is to record what has already come to pass.

This was an emotional roller coaster. I need to go lie down. You go ahead without me. I'll meet you at the next episode.

Hey, who turned out the lights? Hey, who turned out the lights? Hey, who turned out the lights? (Hey, who turned the creep levels of this series up?)

Wow. This episode has everything. A new location. French accents. Dramatic poses. People rolling around on furniture. Philosophical musings on juiceboxes. Everything except swords. But it's more likely someone would hurt themselves if there were swords so maybe it's for the best. I'd hate it if someone died. Also can you believe they did this episode live? That's daring, I wish I was as brave as them. And for 20 minutes too! I feel like I need to make this description longer to match it. But I don't have a lot to say... Anyway. Back to Dorothy. She's gonna try and convince everyone to come back! And that makes me so excited? Because I've missed everyone.

I don't know if any of you read these…or even know I exist. But I'm kinda sad. I thought now that our main characters were back together things would be fine, but they're not? So if you are reading this and want to help make an Episode Description Writer's day, can you, I don't know, like post a joke or share a funny story in the comments? Or don't. It's fine. I'm fine. I'll just console myself with the fact we got a Portia-centric episode and pretend that she's my friend. (I'm so lonely).

This episode is so long and so much happens in it, I don't even know where to BEGIN to describe it. Which I would normally be a lot more stressed about. It's my job, after all, to accurately and succinctly tease the events in each episode. Admittedly, I'm not very good at my job. But I don't want head office to know that. I haven't heard from them since that performance review though. In fact…I haven't heard from anyone in a while...

Right! Sorry about last week's description! We're going to turn things around and make these description boxes back into happy happy fun places! You can tell by all the exclamation marks! In this episode, the gang must decide whether they can trust Rochefort!!!! :D

An excited Dorothy becomes a Mu Sigma Theta pledge! (I don't think this is working!) And spends some time with Connie! (I think I've stumbled onto something!) In a new location! (and i think they know!) But an old 'friend' returns to ruin everything! (Help me!)

Dorothy furiously tries to set things right after Connie's private photos are leaked. I've decided that I'm going to furiously set things right too. No matter the consequences. All for one? (ง'̀-'́)ง

Dorothy tries to stop Connie from leaving! They just sent me my next assignment. It means I'll be leaving soon too. But… I'm not ready to leave. There's still too much left to do. (ง'̀-'́)ง

Dorothy and the Mu Sigma Theta sisters begin Operation REMSTCIATISADCWSFAVBAPBP by throwing a fundraiser to raise enough money to keep Connie at Dumas College. I begin Operation WELLS. I'll send the code word if I make it. (ง'̀-'́)ง

The girls try to stop Rochefort & the union from wrecking their fundraiser before they run out of Time. (ง'̀-'́)ง

It's time to say goodbye to Connie. And to Episode Description Writer 251214. They have already been relocated. We apologize for any inconveniences. We hope you had a pleasant experience with Description Corp. and that you use our services again.