Freshman Dorothy Castlemore is not having a good day. A fresh black eye, a douchey mortal enemy getting in her way and nobody around she can punch. At least she has the internet and a cute new roommate to help cheer her up!

Dorothy has decided which sororities, er, sorority she's going to pledge and makes some unwise choices. Unwise? Unwise.

Dorothy has made some…interesting new friends. Although their sorority skills are great, they have a lot to learn about the internet before they're ready to save anyone.

Meet Dorothy's new boy. And his baggage.

Dorothy is a shoe-in for a bid to MST. Or so she thought. Oh sweet summer child.

How do you solve a problem like Dorothy-Blob? How do you catch a cloud and use it to cheer up your friend who is in the depths of despair because she feels like her life's dreams are over?

What could go wrong at a sleepover? Seriously, trust an Episode Description Writer, this will just be happy fun times!

Okay...sooo I, your humble Episode Description Writer, was wrong about the last episode. I apologize. But, I bet there won't be any drama in this one! Let's see, In Episode 8: Dorothy finds out the REAL reason she and Connie were rejected from MST. ...Frack.

The gang return from the union meeting and recap their pear-ilous confrontation.

Miller and Dorothy forget the camera is on. A lot. Plus, the girls meet Miller for the first time and at least one terrible pun is made. Seriously, it's awful. My pear pun from last episode description was much better.

Alex and Miller work through the drama of their shared past the best way possible - in front of everyone and a camera! (I should really stop teasing them for forgetting about the camera. If they remembered, I'd be out of a job!)

Despite some tensions, the group goes on a mission to plant a bug in Rick's office. Meanwhile, Alex opens up to the Inseparables about her history with Miller. (We're having a performance review today. I tried extra hard to make this a professional episode description.)

There is a party. And foam swords! There are heart-to-hearts. And foam swords!!! There is dancing. AND FOAM SWORDS! ...I wish I had a foam sword. ...I wish I had friends who would have foam sword fights with me. ...I wish I existed outside of this description box so that I could make friends who would have foam sword fights with me.

Everyone makes smart choices and nothing goes wrong! Is what I would write if I were writing this episode description on opposite day.

Can I tell you a story? It's about 4 friends: Schmorthy, Schmortia, Schmariana & Schmiller. Once upon a time they did not go behind their friend Schmalex's back. The end. The people in this episode are not as sensible as the Schmusketeers.

Blaster toys solve all problems right? Right? Well, Dorothy & Co. seem to think so. And maybe if we all believe hard enough, it'll come true! If you believe, clap your hands! (It's impossible for me to hear you clap, but I'll know whether you did by watching the outcome of this episode.)

Dorothy, Ariana, Miller & Portia. Or as I sometimes call them: DAMP. No. NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING DAMP! DAMP STOP IT NOW. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE DAMP PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.

Sigh. Let's be honest. Our heroes have gone off the rails. And there's nothing you or I can do about it. Excuse me while I go ponder the futility of my existence in a world where I am completely incapable of influencing what will happen and my only purpose in life is to record what has already come to pass.

This was an emotional roller coaster. I need to go lie down. You go ahead without me. I'll meet you at the next episode.

Hey, who turned out the lights? Hey, who turned out the lights? Hey, who turned out the lights? (Hey, who turned the creep levels of this series up?)

Wow. This episode has everything. A new location. French accents. Dramatic poses. People rolling around on furniture. Philosophical musings on juiceboxes. Everything except swords. But it's more likely someone would hurt themselves if there were swords so maybe it's for the best. I'd hate it if someone died. Also can you believe they did this episode live? That's daring, I wish I was as brave as them. And for 20 minutes too! I feel like I need to make this description longer to match it. But I don't have a lot to say... Anyway. Back to Dorothy. She's gonna try and convince everyone to come back! And that makes me so excited? Because I've missed everyone.

I don't know if any of you read these…or even know I exist. But I'm kinda sad. I thought now that our main characters were back together things would be fine, but they're not? So if you are reading this and want to help make an Episode Description Writer's day, can you, I don't know, like post a joke or share a funny story in the comments? Or don't. It's fine. I'm fine. I'll just console myself with the fact we got a Portia-centric episode and pretend that she's my friend. (I'm so lonely).

This episode is so long and so much happens in it, I don't even know where to BEGIN to describe it. Which I would normally be a lot more stressed about. It's my job, after all, to accurately and succinctly tease the events in each episode. Admittedly, I'm not very good at my job. But I don't want head office to know that. I haven't heard from them since that performance review though. In fact…I haven't heard from anyone in a while...

Right! Sorry about last week's description! We're going to turn things around and make these description boxes back into happy happy fun places! You can tell by all the exclamation marks! In this episode, the gang must decide whether they can trust Rochefort!!!! :D

An excited Dorothy becomes a Mu Sigma Theta pledge! (I don't think this is working!) And spends some time with Connie! (I think I've stumbled onto something!) In a new location! (and i think they know!) But an old 'friend' returns to ruin everything! (Help me!)

Dorothy furiously tries to set things right after Connie's private photos are leaked. I've decided that I'm going to furiously set things right too. No matter the consequences. All for one? (ง'̀-'́)ง

Dorothy tries to stop Connie from leaving! They just sent me my next assignment. It means I'll be leaving soon too. But… I'm not ready to leave. There's still too much left to do. (ง'̀-'́)ง

Dorothy and the Mu Sigma Theta sisters begin Operation REMSTCIATISADCWSFAVBAPBP by throwing a fundraiser to raise enough money to keep Connie at Dumas College. I begin Operation WELLS. I'll send the code word if I make it. (ง'̀-'́)ง

The girls try to stop Rochefort & the union from wrecking their fundraiser before they run out of Time. (ง'̀-'́)ง

It's time to say goodbye to Connie. And to Episode Description Writer 251214. They have already been relocated. We apologize for any inconveniences. We hope you had a pleasant experience with Description Corp. and that you use our services again.

Dorothy talks about her friends. My Favourite is very proud of the nap she took. Blue Eyes leaves her textbook in the bathroom. The Lady Knight is out of sorts. A party begins.

True friendship cannot be defined, limited or contained by time or space. Joy is joy, and opens like a flower to embrace those who will embrace it. Unanswered questions linger at the edges of all relationships, buzzing with tensions that threaten to turn from subtle to catastrophic. Romance is a beautiful rose with terrible thorns.

Dorothy tries to share the joys of fuzzy peaches and popcorn with her close friends High Voice and Low Voice. The Tall One has forgotten something. There is an argument about hashtags.

Two can, somehow, be the loneliest number, when the one most wanted is not within the current party. Two can also be the loneliest number when the one most wanted does not reciprocate feelings long-cherished which, despite torrents of bad history, remain undoused. Opportunity sometimes knocks at inopportune moments, challenging the tenuous peace of the status quo. Names are important to remember, if one's job is to describe plots concerning those with names.

Dorothy and her Elegant Friend complain about themselves and each other and everyone else. Dorothy forgets her speech upstairs. Elegant Friend doesn't have any news. The Lady Knight arrives in a strong fashion. A different Episode Description Writer, one who has never used names at all in xir descriptions, lobs hypocritical criticism at a colleague and faces no consequences except being unmasked as an ungracious fart.

Two colleagues are forced into the same space and come to insurmountable conflict that batters like a wrinkled leaf in the wind, while working together on the same Episode Description. Meanwhile, Dorothy and the Lady Knight have an odd conversation. It was only odd to those of us who can't understand the careful entangling of loyalty and disloyalty, and the breathless falling and flying that accompanies terrible and wonderful revelations about those to whom we have entrusted aforementioned loyalties. So... everyone, then. It was an odd conversation to everyone. Good, got it.

Cool Episode Description Writer and Pain In The Butt Description Writer decide that it’d be be best to work separately and let you decide whose style is clearly better. The path forward is often foggy, but those who are brave enough to shine their own light will discover the true emotion lying in wait beneath the text.

Dorothy continues to motivate. Blue Eyes is the blue curtain master. Tall One uses many props. High Voice dramatically stands.

Insecurities can fester below the surface, threatening to deteriorate our whole being and spreading out like tendrils to those who surround us. The burden of expectations can be a Sisyphean prospect that drags down the souls of all it touches.

According to management, it is unacceptable for Awesome Description Writer and Getting On My Last Nerve Description Writer to double their work by writing two separate descriptions. As this episode graces us like an immaculate butterfly with two distinct scenes, we shall each flap a wing and thus boldly fly through this burden together.

In the first scene, an opportunity for frivolity is carved out of the wheel of time that inevitably must turn ever forward. In the next scene, Apparently Not As Sketchy As Before Dude makes a return, I guess. This would be easier to summarize if we had actually seen season one.

Dorothy, Portia, Rochefort, An

Wait wait. YOU are using names? Doesn’t that ruin the ephemeral metaphor or whatever?

Progress is not inevitable, but must instead smoothly mix constant vigilance with a delicately trained eye for detail and the tiniest dash of humility.

Which means…?

There is some merit to your methodless madness, for as this episode demonstrates, insight may occasionally burst forth unbidden from the depths of even the gaping mouths of babes. I have no idea if that was a compliment.

The High Voi-, I mean, Portia campaign gets some snazzy new shirts and swanky new digs. And… I suppose there are emotional things too. Like, uh, rushing water that flows over rocks or whatever.

There is bravery in putting on a stranger’s perhaps ill-fitting shoes and taking them for a jaunt through untrodden woods.

Yeah, yeah. I see your point about putting emotion into summaries, just don’t make a big deal of it.

It is, however, a long journey from the pedestrian comparisons of waters to the aspirational majesty of being able to wield words like vivacious swords, slicing fresh images into the world, such as I do.

The two campaigns attempt to coexist, surviving their unfortunate circumstance by embarking on separate missions ahead of the forthcoming Presidential debate: for Portia's team, the hunt for the perfect attire, and for Treville's, the plundering of their mental depths to find fresh genius. Portia likes a red dress; Dorothy is a mess; Anne is depressed by their inability to impress. Henry jokes, Treville banters, and Alex pokes at being a ranter. The two sides develop friction, and clash in a well-intentioned bout of trash talking that spins wildly out of control. That was pretty good, right? Indeed! I adored your experimental dipping into rhyme to offer the description an additional hint of ephemeral grace and poetry. Well, I think you did a great job of being descripty and pretty-words-y without writing sentences so long nobody could remember what the beginning of the sentence was. Like that one? Ha ha, you got me. We did good. I think we did indeed... my friend.

Everything is bullshit, so who cares.

That's not very professional, my friend.

Fine. Connie drinks coffee. Portia wanders off. Dorothy and whatshername...

That's awful. What happened to your flow, your rhythms, your ambition! It's as if...

As if we never met? Yeah. They wish. They're splitting us back up. We're getting too "involved". "Too informal."

What? But that's... I don't understand.

Whatever. Who cares. I've got along this fine without friends. I can go back to it.

But... I think we both were getting better. Together. Oh. He's left. I'm alone now. I guess... Tensions peek over the surface of the water, like the tip of... a very deep, very cold iceberg, its depths unknowable. Victory is joyous but fleeting, and may by Pyrrhic in its costs to morale. Attempts to solve one crisis inevitably deepen another. And... I guess... that's enough for this episode.

Dorothy edits a campaign video, but she disapproves of the content. The cold war between Portia and Anne escalates. Anne gives Dorothy an eye cream.

What. You don't like it?

No, it's good. You hit all the plot points. Maybe you don't need me.

Told you.

Okay. Fine.

Fine.

The fate of a glorious party balances tenuously on the fine tip of Dorothy's moral compass. A series of concerned mentors guide her not toward the right goal, but backward and forward, leaving her torn and confused. In the end, the truth - long withheld - will rip away Dorothy's doubt and send her careening towards a well-intended disaster.

My......... friend, yes he is still my friend, even if he thinks I am not his. My friend has gone out walking. He's been doing that... more and more. Sometimes I feel like... something went awry, in the universe. Something feels terribly inevitable about the escalating chasm between us. Terrible and inevitable. Maybe, in a sense, this is what was meant to happen. Yet... I don't know. I hope he comes back soon.

The Portia campaign scrambles to figure out next steps after a massive setback. There. I'm going for a walk.

But…

But what?

It's so short. And... Our reassignment is soon. Maybe we should talk.

We should get used to spending time away from each other again, T. Maybe it'll be a relief. To get some space.

You don't mean that-- He's gone. Again. I just... I can feel his anger in my throat like acid bile, biting and burning to the touch. His absence chills like a sunless moon. Echoes like a carillon without its player. And without him... This office is so cold, so stark. The hallways grey and winding and lifeless. I've become so much more direct with my thoughts, under his influence, and I fear I may spiral again into... poetic borderline incomprehensibility. I fear I will lose my friend. But what can I do? I just... I don't want to be alone again.

Dorothy and Henry reconnect, and it's... nice, but bittersweet, after all the time they've lost. They've been so angry for so long. Treville too. And Anne and Portia... This is relatable content and I'm not here for it. Why do we push people away when we care about them? Just because it will hurt when they leave us?

I've been imagining what it would be like if I could change things. If I could somehow... go back in time and prevent everything from going wrong. Like in that H.G. Wells story. But then I'm pulled back to reality. Episode Description Writers are not capable of changing things, just recording them.

T is home sick and if we were still friends I would tell xir to watch some Doctor Who. That always makes me feel better.

A confrontation over a big surprise explodes simmering tensions in the Portia campaign. And nobody is left unscathed.

Today's our last day, T. One more episode description, and then... back to separate offices. Separate buildings. Floating out in the obsidian void, as you might say.

I like that turn of phrase... Grumpy Voice.

Oh, you finally figured out nicknames! I mean. Good for you.

Can we just... be friends, for the next few hours? Even if we can't see each other after today? Isn't it better to be friends as long as we can?

Um. Okay. Yeah. I... I'm gonna miss you, weirdo.

No goodbyes, my friend. Not yet.

Okay. Not yet.

Okay. Wow. This one is... Dorothy and Connie have a big fight, and it's awful and nobody is right and it's gonna make both of them very lonely.

Yes, but they'll find their way back to each other.

You don't know that. What if the distance is too much? What if they never see each other again??

They live together. They'll see each other in a few hours.

That's not what I'm really talking about and you know it. I wish we could do something.

Nothing lasts forever, my friend. We'll see each other soon. I promise. Shall I leave first? A hug for the road?

Okay. Goodbye, T.

Goodbye, my friend.

.. Wow. Now xir is really gone. And I'm alone again. I can't believe... wait. What was that noise? Like a humming, a buzzing... a weirdness. What is that weirdness? I-- WHAT THE HELL?

Oh, hello! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you! My machine over there was purposefully designed for peak dramatic flair.

What- Why- Who! Who are you?? Your face is really weird-

Please don't judge me on the beard, I know it's ridiculous but it's a side effect of time travel.

Er, no, I was going to say your face was weirdly... familiar. Who ARE you?

I used to be known here as EDW 251214!

But... that's my number! I'M EDW 251214!

Oh. Does that mean... you're... I'm…

Oh, wow. You're me. Another me.

Bollocks.

Things are weird between Dorothy and Connie after their fight. (What are you doing, Other Me?) Dorothy attempts a romantic surprise. (Why are you writing an Episode Description when we have a friend to rescue!) Dorothy has an unexpected heart to heart with Henry and the Inseparables. (Operation WELLS cannot wait forever! T cannot wait forever!)

Okay, okay. If I don’t do an episode description, my bosses will notice, and they will look and see you’re here, and then... I don’t know what will happen.

(As long as I speak to you from inside my machine, protected by my Time Brackets, we shall be safe.)

Not if I don’t put ANY Episode Description up! Now, it’s done. Tell me about your big plan and how you totally messed it up.

(Operation WELLS was my big attempt to fix everything. I had a friend. T, who was wonderful. Then I was alone and lonely. So I designed Operation WELLS to save xir. Instead, it seems I just... messed about with the timing of everything. You and xir still became friends, and T was still reassigned. It didn’t work.)

Then why should I trust you now?

(Because, if you don’t, who else will help you?)

... So how do we save T?

(... I’ll let you know when I figure it out.)

Oh no. Who is this guy? I don’t like him. Alex doesn’t like him. He’s too jittery and there seems to be a lot of backstory here. (There is. He is a villain and a scoundrel.) Hm. Now he seems sad and overcaffeinated. Anyhow, this guy comes to talk to Dorothy, and ends up talking to Alex and making everything terrible.

I hope you aren’t coming back and making everything terrible, Time Traveler Me. (I hope so too, Other Me.) How do we go about saving T? Can we use your time machine? (Perhaps, if I can figure out how to travel space and not time. And also, if we can figure out where T has been placed.) Oh, just all that. Easy peasy.

Dorothy comes face to face with Coffee Man. Coffee Man leaves. Dorothy and Alex have an important talk about sadness. I... I don’t want Alex to be sad. Or Dorothy. I want them to be okay. I’m so happy they have each other. Friends make everything so much more bearable. (That is true, Other Me.) I miss T. Xir words, in all their flow, were such a comfort once I got used to them. Like a ripple on a spring pond, or something. (I also miss T. Xir was my best friend. Until xir was reassigned.) So, what do we do next? (I suspect we figure out whether T is Describing Episodes for another show, and whether that show exists or not. Then we track down xir’s coordinates.) How do we find that out? (We break into the Descriptions Office. A true caper!) Oh no. This is bound to go terribly wrong, isn’t it?

Alex and Connie have a lovely morning. Dorothy receives an unexpected visit from an old friend, who reveals something worrisome. Thankfully, Coffee Man is not in this episode. I don’t trust him, even though he seems to be trying to be better. (Are you done? Can we debrief about our caper now?) You mean the caper where EVERYTHING WENT WRONG? (Calm down. It worked out. We got the coordinates!) Technically, we got ALL the coordinates, for EVERYONE. And no names. USELESS. (Don’t despair, Other Me. We shall solve this riddle.) And in the meantime, the Descriptor Bosses suspect something. Thankfully they can’t see you in your brackets and are too lazy to read beyond the first paragraph. But if they read further... we’re doomed. (Nobody is doomed. We will be perfectly fine.)

Dorothy, Henry and Rochefort stage an intervention.

Alright, are you sure you’ve figured out the right coordinates? (Yes! T’s Episode Description Writer # is still 202020, yes?) That’s where xir’s nickname came from, yes. (Then I think I’ve broken through the cipher and have located their new assignment. Xir has been assigned to a series that hasn’t even been conceived yet.) Sounds boring. (Sounds like xir is in the future! Which means my machine can take us there!) Oh, excellent! Then let us... What was that noise? Oh no. (What?) They’re coming.

Dorothy and Monty bond and Dorothy and Connie talk about important things. (You’re STILL writing Episode Descriptions!?) It’s my JOB now we have to hide and be very, very quiet. The Bosses are here but they are very tall and might not notice us. (You have to come to my machine. Quickly!) I’m coming. I just... I can hear them but I can’t... see... them... THEY’RE RIGHT ABOVE ME OH GODS I NEED TO RUN AND THEY ARE RIGH (Other Me?? Come quickly!! Please!! Other Me??) THEY HAVE ME, GO ON, SAVE T AND LEAVE ME. (I won’t leave you! Not when it is my fault you were created!) GO! SAVE T! MAYBE YOU CAN FIND ME LAT (...Other Me? Where have you gone?) (Other Me, are you... Oh no. Oh no oh no. He’s gone. And... no! They’ve SEEN ME I MUST GO GOODBYE. T, HERE I COME, MY OLD FRIEND!)

There is no Active Episode Descriptioner assigned to this episode, so one will be generated automatically by the Descriptor Corp Auto-System. In this episode, DOROTHY is excited to work on the campaign with CONNIE and MONTY. ROCHEFORT warns both teams that there are consequences for PORTIA and TREVILLE's negative PR campaigns. PORTIA, TREVILLE, DOROTHY and HENRY are discouraged. Both teams decide to work together to fix the problem. This has been an auto-generated Episode Description by Description Corp. Please rate us 5 stars if you are satisfied with our service.

There is no Active Episode Descriptioner assigned to this episode, so one will be generated automatically by the Descriptor Corp Auto-System. Name#$%PORTIA and Name#$%DOROTHY discuss the campaign's troubles with Name#$%CONNIE and the Inseparables. Name#$%DOROTHY decides to hold a party to help Name#$%PORTIA and Name#$%TREVILLE work on their campaign strategies. Name#$%CONNIE and Name#$%ALEX have a fun duel. There is a problem in the Auto-System Code, please contact admin. There is a problem in the Auto-System Code, please contact admin. There is a problem in the Auto-System Code, please contact admin.

There is --- Active Episode Descriptioner assigned to --- be generated automatically by the --- System. Name#$%DOROTHY has a conversation with Name#$%MILLER about --- There is a problem in the Auto-System Code, please contact admin.

(Oh, we're back! Wow, this place is a mess. The code is looking a little... sickly. But that should hide us well. T, how are you feeling, my friend.)

[I am feeling like a wind-battered leaf in a snowstorm in mid-July, or a ship wrecked on an enormous, reality-defying shrimp. That is to say, thoroughly confused. Who are you and why did you kidnap me?]

(I have rescued you! I'm your friend, Episode Description Writer 251214. Or... a different version of him. I went back in time to change things and prevent you from being reassigned, but... it went a bit... haywire.)

(You have a beard. It's disconcerting. Where is MY 251214?)

(The Description Bosses have him. If we are to save him, we will have to go to the mysterious, never-glimpsed Boss Descriptor Headquarters. A place of darkness and myth, where the skyscraper-tall Bosses hold dominion. Are you up for another adventure?)

[As ready as the mighty Perseus when he slew the dangerous Medusa. Or the brave Theseus, when he slew the bestial Minotaur. In short: I am extremely ready.]

(Then... ONWARDS! TO ADVENTURE!)

It is time for the official Both Campaigns Are Awesome Video, and everyone is excited to film it! Too bad Dorothy and Portia are still scrambling for a key platform issue. When a conversation with Alex gives Dorothy some inspiration, she pitches a new idea to the whole team, and they're excited! But can they pull together their video in time? Let's see, on this episode of ALL FOR ONE!!

Hi! I hope you liked the above Episode Description. It's my first one... ever!! I'm new, just assigned this morning. I was so nervous I watched season one four times and then the current episodes of season two six times and then I read all the episode descriptions and... wow, so unprofessional. It's a good thing the Bosses captured those three rule-breakers and put them in Descriptor Jail. It's a shame I'm coming in so late, because this is so much fun, but I'm still so excited to watch this season with you all!!!

Connie and Monty interview the four candidates for an official, super-cool MST Get Out the Vote event! Every candidate talks a bit about their campaign, and also some personal stuff. Cool! And it all ends with... wait...

Why does it seem like there are two totally different endings to this? The narrative interface is giving me... I've never seen this before. It wasn't in our textbooks at school. A 230AB ERROR: NARRATIVE TIMELINE UNSTABLE, PLEASE REBOOT. That can't be good.

Something is very wrong. What did 251214 do...?

I don't know. Did Portia win, or did Treville? I can't tell what's real, and what's Almost real. Come on, focus... Alright, I'll focus on the stuff I KNOW happens no matter what. I KNOW that Dorothy has a party with all her friends to celebrate the election, and they all discuss what comes next. And I KNOW that after the party... oh wait. No, there is no scene after the party. Or is there? I can't... I don't know what's happening. Everything feels wrong.

The lights have all gone out. Sometimes I hear things moving outside the office. Sometimes I remember seeing a Descriptor Corp news report about escapees from Descriptor Jail, other times I forget about it, like it never happened. It's getting so cold in here. And everything is feeling unreal. The office. My memories. Myself. I don't know what happened. Wait. What are you doing here? I--

AUTOMATIC REBOOT IN PROGRESS PLEASE WAIT

AUTOMATIC REBOOT IN PROGRESS PLEASE WAIT

AUTOMATIC REBOOT IN PROGRESS PLEASE WAIT