Wealthy Lily Parkhurst has been living on borrowed time for years thanks to a bad heart. Her greedy cousin and companion Harold rushes her overdue demise with a well-planned poisoning, knowing there will be no autopsy. Harold hadn't planned on the old lady's cockatoo, Radcliffe, being such a blabbermouth about what he's witnessed.

For a publicity stunt, horror movie star Pervis Green visits his two biggest fans, "little old ladies" Lavenia and Elspith Pfeiffer. After being drugged, the actor awakes in a coffin, made up as a vampire. The elderly sisters, unable to distinguish between movies and reality, have locked Pervis in his own private chamber of horrors, demanding he repent for his evil ways.