Peter and Lois decide to go on a second honeymoon. But when Peter crashes the car, he decides to pose as Mel Gibson to stay in his fancy hotel suite, where they find a copy of a "The Passion of the Christ" sequel. They attempt to destroy the film and end up being chased by two priests who went to retrieve the film.

Brian becomes a substitute teacher at Chris' school after his teacher wins the lottery. When Brian is moved to teach a class of troubled kids, Chris falls in love with his new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart, who promises to love Chris only if he kills her husband. When Lois finds out, she and Stewie decide to teach Chris a lesson.

After Mort bowls a perfect game, and Quagmire gets a key to the city by performing CPR, Peter notices he has nothing to be proud of. He then attempts to achieve fame by setting the world's record for most nickels swallowed. However, a slight miscalculation leaves him blind with nickel poisoning.

When Meg gets turned down for a date, she asks her family for support. Lois ends up taking her to the mall, where she gets the ultimate makeover. Meanwhile, Peter tries to start a band with the guys, but when their first gig fails, the family ends up performing. Impressed by Meg's singing, a record producer signs the family, and their travels eventually land them on "Saturday Night Live."

When Peter hears Loretta scream, he tries to help out, but discovers Loretta is cheating on Cleveland. Peter figures out that it was Quagmire and decides to tell Cleveland about it. But when Loretta walks out on Cleveland he doesn't take it lightly.

After winning a game of Trivial Pursuit, Peter is convinced he is a genius. To prove Peter wrong, Brian suggests he take a test of the MacArthur Genius Grant. The test results say that Peter is technically mentally challenged. Peter has no problem abusing this handicap until Lois is injured and the kids are taken away because Peter is not mentally fit for parenting.

"The Bachelorette" comes to Quahog and Brian is chosen to be a contestant. Brian does not like the show, but participates just to have a vacation only to wind up falling in love with the bachelorette. Meanwhile, Chris gets a nasty pimple on his cheek, which talks to Chris and likes to cause mischief.

Peter runs up his tab at Mort’s Pharmacy. When he doesn’t have the money to pay, he decides to sell Meg to the Goldmans. Neil is dating another girl which makes Meg jealous, and Stewie falls in love with Liddane, his new babysitter.

Lois’ kleptomania lands her in jail, leaving the Griffin household in a worse state of disarray than usual. Peter and the family break her out and end up fugitives in Asian Town.

Lois fulfills a lifelong dream of being a model. Stewie starts on a multi-level marketing company. Brian in need of cash to buy his de-worming medication agrees to become his salesman.

Peter and Brian’s friendship becomes strained after Brian begins dating one of Meg’s high school teachers. Peter finds a replacement friend in James Woods, who is visiting Quahog because of a suggestion to rename James Woods High after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

When Peter and the guys decide to go fishing, they end up caught in a storm. Stranded on a desert island, their families fear the worst. Rescued by a cruise ship months later, Peter surprises Lois at home, where he finds out that she has a new husband.

When Chris is supposed to be hazed for a school tradition, he runs off to South America; Peter quickly becomes frustrated by his new job at the beer factory.