Candide’s crisis wreaks havoc, Joan doubts her relationship with JFK, Abe turns to Frida for advice and Harriet frets over a future as a #winemom.

When a fire threatens to shut down the Grassy Knoll, a desperate Abe spearheads a campaign to rebuild the town’s beloved greasy diner and save Joan.

While Clone High mourns a power couple breakup, Candide and Scudworth hatch a plan to reunite the pair with mandatory sex education, swarthy seamen, and some sensual sax solos.

After returning from summer break, the students of Clone High become acquainted with their new science teacher, Professor Hirsute. Meanwhile, a newly friendless Joan receives an invite from the only club that will take her as a member.

As Valentine’s Day nears, Confucius and Joan con Harriet into thinking they’re a couple. Meanwhile, Scudworth swoons over an old nemesis.

After Scudworth imposes mandatory Parent-Principal conferences on the student-body, Confucius enlists his feuding friends to fill in for his absentee foster parents. To win over Frida’s dad, Harriet helps give Cleo an epic make-under.