Season Cast 19

  1. Natasha Leggero
  2. Tim Herzog

    Tim Herzog

    (9 Episodes)

  3. Brian Keith Etheridge

    (9 Episodes)

  4. Jon Huertas

    Jon Huertas

    (9 Episodes)

  5. Jana Speaker

    (9 Episodes)

  6. Steve Mallory

    Steve Mallory

    (9 Episodes)

  7. Lance Krall

    Lance Krall

    (9 Episodes)

  8. Jonathan Torrens

    Jonathan Torrens

    (9 Episodes)

  9. Ralph Garman

    Ralph Garman

    (9 Episodes)

  10. Matt Kennedy Gould

    (9 Episodes)

  11. Franklin Dennis Jones

    (9 Episodes)

  12. Melissa Yvonne Lewis

    Melissa Yvonne Lewis

    (9 Episodes)

  13. Angela Dodson

    Angela Dodson

    (9 Episodes)

  14. Gretchen Palmer

    Gretchen Palmer

    (9 Episodes)

  15. Nikki Davis

    (9 Episodes)

  16. Valerie Azlynn

    Valerie Azlynn

    (9 Episodes)

  17. David Hornsby

    David Hornsby

    (9 Episodes)

  18. Jessica Makinson

    Jessica Makinson

    (6 Episodes)

  19. Kristen Wiig

    Kristen Wiig

    (1 Episode)

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Season Crew 2


  1. Paul Wernick


  1. Andrew Green

    Writer (9 Episodes)


Episodes 9

June 15, 2004

The second season premiere introduces the new Joe Schmo and Jane Schmo - Tim and Ingrid. They quickly meet their new castmates, but several of them are quickly tossed in a parody of how "ethnic" people are usually the first tossed from such shows. A gift-giving ceremony allows all of the suitors to give a gift to Austin and Piper, the "bachelor" and "bachelorette" of the show. Austin and Piper then, in turn, give their own gifts. A game called "Lap Dance for Love" gives Ingrid and Tim the first hint that they're not on any boring reality show. The first-ever Falcon Twist reveals that a girl will be eliminated and that the suitors are supposedly also all playing for a potential $100,000 - something they can never tell to either Piper or Austin. Rita, the drunk, is evicted in the first Pearl Necklace ceremony, as Austin tells her that he's looking for someone a little more serious. However, all eyes are on Ingrid when she starts asking two of the actors if they had rehearsed their speeches to Austin, saying that it's like she's on "The Truman Show."

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After the events of the previous week, the show's staff has to decide whether to keep Ingrid on the show. They move forward and have Ambrosia, the "bitch," voice her opinion on Ingrid's "paranoia." Ingrid promises to tone it down, but says that a part of her will still be suspicious. Bryce tries his "hypnotism" on Tim and T.J., then acts hurt when they make fun of him. The Falcon Twist reveals that there will be competitions throughout the program for exotic vacations. The first is "awarded" to Ambrosia in a game called Strike a Pose. Later, the suitors are all taken to a supposed vineyard, giving Ernie a chance to show off his knowledge. The suitors are paired together to crush grapes - Austin shows favoritism to Cammy, while Piper spends time with Tim. Bryce expresses his irritation at Ingrid's being with Tim, while Eleanor has a major breakdown over what she feels is Austin's unfairness. Ernie is eliminated in the first Flame of Love eviction ceremony; and Ingrid appears to whisper something into Tim's ear.

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The Crisis

June 28, 2004

During the staff meeting, the cast and crew discuss Ingrid's growing doubts. Eleanor loses her locket from Austin, and Tim concocts a plan to "find" it. As Ambrosia turns up the bitch dial, Bryce gets creepier when his frog, Everett, is returned to him. The group plays a game loaded with sexual-innunendo called Taste My Treats. After a mistake by Derek, Tim wins by feeding Piper a taco. The two go on a restaurant date, in which Piper gets to know the "real Tim" and the two share an off-camera kiss. Gerald (the producers actually) organizes a surprise birthday party for Tim, who is celebrating his 29th birthday. When Cammy tells Ingrid aside and tells her about a sex video she was supposed on, Ingrid's doubts come to a head. As we get a montage of the various doubts, included never-before revealed information, the producers seem to conclude that they're screwed. The Pearl Necklace Eviction Ceremony is left in a cliffhanger.

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Crew 1

Directed by: No director has been added.

Written by: Andrew Green

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July 5, 2004

Following the cliffhanger of the previous episode, the Pearl Necklace eviction ceremony comes an end. Ingrid is given a Pearl Necklace and Ambrosia is tossed. Derek then "slips" and tells Omarosa to take her walk down the Last Chance for Love Trail of Tears and then gives a litany of every fake thing about the program that Ingrid has noted. She is invited to take a script and come on the show as an actress for $100,000 --- an offer which she accepts. In the Falcon Twist, Piper and Austin are asked to choose the door and then from the door comes Amanda, the new Jane Schmo. The Schmos play a game ported from the "original British version of Last Chance for Love" in which Gerald wins a Green Valley Spa trip and some private time with Piper. Piper's "Mother" and "Father" come on the show, which the Father as a real hard-line jerk. The male suitors are asked to do crazy things at dinner, and those that don't will have personal secrets revealed about them. Later, they are all hooked up to a lie-detector test, with Piper's parents giving him immunity from eviction because they feel that he would be the least likely to take advantage of their daughter. Bryce's wick is left unlit and he takes his walk down the Trail of Tears, but not before getting one last hug from Piper.

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July 12, 2004

The suitors are told to choose who they believe among them is least compatible with Austin and with Piper. Gerald is chosen least compatible with Piper and Eleanor is chosen least compatible with Austin. That means they each get some alone time with the respective bachelor and bachelorette - that is, until "tragedy" strikes. A Falcon Twist is interrupted for the "news" that Ingrid's grandfather died. As such, weepy Eleanor loses her alone-time to Ingrid. The suitors all take part in a game called Love is a Battlefield in which they must perform better than models at outrageous tasks for trips. Tim gets the dirty-talk of his life from Cammy, but it isn't enough to beat the apparently X-Rated performance of the models. Piper's supposed parents return, except now they're playing the roles of Austin's parents. The girls are given tasks to perform and all complete them except Cammy. Her Porked and Beans soft-core video is played, but Austin tosses Ingrid, saying that she had lied to him about her grandfather.

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July 19, 2004

Austin realizes that he made a mistake in evicting Ingrid from the show when he learns that he was indeed speaking with the wrong grandfather on the phone. Ingrid is returned to the show in the new "Circle of Life" ceremony. Bryce sends another message from the sky - asking if everyone saw his last banner. It's revealed that Austin and Piper were a couple not long before the show started. After playing a game with dolls of Austin and Piper, Tim and Amanda win a double-date with not-so-happy couple. Eleanor goes super-weepy after she finds out that Austin used a coupon from her coupon book - for a foot massage from Cammy! Drama erupts during the double-date and Tim and Amanda must convince both Piper and Austin to continue with the show. Everett, Bryce's frog, is taken away from Cammy and moved to the same trailer as Montecore the falcon. One of the producers reveals that Montecore decided that Everett would be a good snack and Cammy mourns the loss of the frog, but Tim doesn't want any part of it. There's another Pearl Necklace ceremony because Ingrid returned to the show and this time Eleanor rejects Austin's offer of a Pearl Necklace, forcing a sham ceremony where the outcome is already known.

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July 26, 2004

Bryce sends his final message by plane - LOOK BEHIND U and then returns to the show. Derek explains for the benefit of our Schmos that since Austin got to return Ingrid to the show, they felt it would only be fair to let Piper return Bryce. Cammy's Porked and Beans food-fetish video is played for all to see, now with special extended footage that the girls didn't get to see before. The suitors play a game called Professions of Love in which they must express their love for Austin (Romeo) or Piper (Juliet) in the best way they know how. T.J. and Cammy are selected for one-on-one dates, but then the twist comes that they're not so private after all. Throughout the dates, the other suitors say things to them by microphone and they must repeat whatever is said to them during their date. Later, Gerald reveals to Bryce what everyone had been skirting around the entire episode: that his prized frog, Everett is dead. Bryce predictably goes ballistic and lets out his anger on T.J., before finally shifting it to the falcon, Montecore. Later, Tim catches them all out of character, but the situation seems to be smoothed over. Later, Austin is given the power to eliminate of the guys in a special Pearl Necklace ceremony and chooses our very own Joe Schmo: Tim.

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August 2, 2004

Tim, staying a nearby hotel, is told by Derek that he has been asked back on the show due to another male suitor committing a rules violation. When he returns, it's revealed that Bryce could not control his anger against the falcon Montecore and it was found dead. He is taken away from the mansion, but not before a sad protest that he did not kill the falcon and was only interested in a game of water. The suitors play another sexually charged game called Bound by Love and then take dance lessons all chained together. T.J. experiences major diarrhea and when he goes for a change of underwear, Gerald finds that T.J. has hidden his aquasocks. Without these, he's been left with sponge-bathing for the past four days. The two participate in a dance-off and the girls agree that Gerald gave the better performance and that T.J. will go home in that night's Double Trouble eviction ceremony. At the ceremony, Austin evicts Cammy, saying that he's sorry. Piper decides to evict Gerald and Gerald protests with T.J., but Derek says that their "dance-off" was not an official function. Derek then reveals a special Falcon Twist (sans Montecore, although all are supposed to pretend the bird's still there): that Austin and Piper are considering rekindling their romance.

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August 10, 2004

After a brief recap of past show events, viewers witness the finale of Joe Schmo 2. Everyone remaining is given some final time to make their case with Austin and Piper before the next elimination and Ingrid tries to make her case by presenting Austin with a resume complete with cover letter. Tim and Amanda are tricked when they're placed in limos thinking they're heading home, but it turns out that Austin and Piper are inside. Both must do some fast explaining to Austin and Piper after a Falcon Twist reveals that they had also been playing for money. Later, they dress up as their own cousins to find out what Austin and Piper really think of them, but hoax is revealed during a game of badminton. Things come to a head in the Last Chance for Love "promise ceremony" when the big deception is finally revealed.

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