Newly arrived Private John Caesar, a convicted computer hacker forced to enlist rather than serve hard time, discovers a Club Med existence at the forgotten Army base of Ft. Bendix, complete with monogrammed bathrobes, saunas and boat races. Led by ringleader Master Sergeant Dave Hopkins, this band of misfits, including Corporal Rusty Link and Private ""Smart Eddie"" Mitterand have Army life wired and play every angle to their advantage. That is, until Pentagon brass catch wind of the less-than-regulation activities and send a by-the-book officer, Lieutenant Branford Handy, to restore military protocol.

With the impending arrival of a new commanding officer, Colonel John Henchy, Lieutenant Handy aims to swiftly clean house, ordering Master Sergeant Dave Hopkins to requality all the troops. Meanwhile, in a more serious crisis, the gang's annual Septemberfest celebration is eminent and the sausage truckers in Germany are on strike.

It's time for the annual war games against Fort Arnold, and Colonel Henchy threatens to start training the men every morning at dawn if they don't win this year. When Lana gambles away Eddie, their secret weapon, in a poker game, Dave, John and Rusty resort to desperate measures to win him back and insure their victory.

When Ozzie gets stuck with a lemon of used car, Colonel Henchy gives an unofficial order for Dave and Lieutenant Handy to team up and avenge every soldier who has been ripped off by a fast talking shyster. While Dave schemes to lure the crook with a car that's too good of a deal to pass up--the Colonel's classic Chassis--John leads the battalion charges with keeping Henchy well diverted.

Dave uses his winnings from a lucky streak to enter a poker tournament. Meanwhile Lana reports that she's being overpaid. As a result, the Army decides to promote her, which will help her with her possible romance with Rusty.