Linda Bloodworth-Thomason — Producer

Episodes 15

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Pilot (I)

1x1
August 9, 1982

At the reading of cryogenically frozen family patriarch Big Guy Beck's video-will, the Becks learn that Big Guy had an illegitimate son -- used RV dealer Wild Bill Westchester. To make matters even more embarrassing for the Becks, they learn that in order to receive their inheritance, they'll have to live ""in peace and harmony"" with Wild Bill and his ""lovely and whimsical"" wife, Bootsie, in Toad Hall, the family mansion. Independently wealthy son Stanley greets the Westchesters with open arms. However, snobby son Marshall, his wife, Carlotta, and Big Guy's widow, Kathleen are overwrought with embarrassment and the three scheme to get the Westchesters out of the picture.

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Pilot (II)

1x2
August 16, 1982

Marshall, Carlotta, and Kathleen devise a scheme to disprove Wild Bill's relation to big guy -- so they drug him and steal a half gallon of his blood to use for testing. But in the end, all it proves is that Wild Bill actually is Big Guy's son.

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August 23, 1982

The Becks try to teach the Westchesters proper manners when they learn that a town and garden magazine wants to feature Toad Hall on the cover. But there's still the problem of Mother B. -- so Marshall attempts to drug her... but he winds up taking the sleeping pills himself. In the end, Mr. Means decides not to use Toad Hall, instead opting for Mother B.'s nursing home.

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October 6, 1982

Marshall, Carlotta and Kathleen scheme to break up the happy Westchester marriage and drive them out of Toad Hall. Their plan has Kathleen seducing Wild Bill, while Marshall makes a move on Bootsie. But the whole plan backfires when Stanley figures out what's going on and has Wild Bill pretend to be smitten with Carlotta.

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October 13, 1982

It's Stanley's 35th birthday and Marshall, Carlotta and Kathleen expect him to get the gift of cash, so naturally they all suck up to him. But instead of cash, a cake arrives with two ladies inside -- who kidnap him. It's soon revealed that the kidnapping was arranged by Big Guy, so Stanley could find out who his friends really are -- his ""friends"" being whichever family members come up with the ransom. Needless to say that Marshall, Carlotta and Kathleen aren't his friends... Wild Bill and Bootsie work feverishly to come up with the cash, but it's Mother B who saves the day (with cash she picked from the money tree that Big Guy left her).

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The Real Men

2x3
October 20, 1982

In an attempt to prove himself to Carlotta, Marshall takes out a huge loan -- unaware that he's borrowing the money from a gangster. Marshall flaunts his newfound wealth... then loses it to one of Mother B's friends in a poker game.

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October 27, 1982

Bootsie's sudden interest in the occult finds Carlotta scrambling to arrange a phony seance to contact Big Guy's spirit, who tells the Westchesters to give up their inheritance and leave Toad Hall.

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November 3, 1982

The latest installment of Big Guy's video will includes a promise of a $10,000 bonus for the family member who finds work and gets the best report. Marshall and Wild Bill get jobs at an RV dealership; Carlotta becomes a tour guide; Bootsie starts a fingernail and undewear franchise; and Kathleen recieves promotion after promotion at the State Bank. It's smooth sailing until Bootsie reveals that she's set up an in-home presentation on the same night that the Southern 500 Committee is scheduled to arrive for a dinner meeting regarding Marshall and Carlotta's failure to pay their annual dues.

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November 10, 1982

Members of the Southern 500 Committee arrive for a meeting with Marshall and Carlotta on the same evening when Bootsie's having an in-home presentation for a fingernail and underwear franchise that she's started. The festivities get off to a rocky start when Carlotta, who's fallen into the river, is forced to wear her work clothes to the party. Further complications ensue when Wild Bill burns dinner forcing Bootsie's party into the adjoining room (though her sole guest is homeless Alvin Essary) and Mother B. arrives to liven things up.

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January 17, 1983

The snobby Beck trio are horrified when Stanley arrives at the country club with Bootsie and Wild Bill. But what happens next horrifies them even more -- Bootsie and Bill decide to join the country club! In an attempt to discredit the Westchesters, Carlotta sets up a meeting with the admissions committee and encourages the Westchesters to be themselves. She and Marshall pick out the tackiest clothes in the Westchester closet, and invite wino Alvin Essary to speak on behalf of the Westchesters. But Stanley intervenes, making the rest of the Becks look like fools when Essary and the Westchesters arrive dressed and acting like royalty.

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January 24, 1983

When Carlotta is nominated to be vice president of the Dames of the Confederacy, her rival nominee, Sissy Chastaine gives Carlotta a most difficult charity to complete in order to stay in the running--the high school equivalency test drive.

Carlotta is determined to win the nomination, but has no idea how to complete her charity drive, until Bootsy reveals she does not have her high school diploma. Bootsy offers her help to Carlotta and Marshall, who repel her every effort. Finally, Stanley, Wild Bill and Bootsy (who has been preparing to take her exam by reading the entire encyclopedia Britannica--except the ""z""s) come up with the perfect plan to help--make giant billboards of Bootsy wearing her mortar board and holding a diploma under the heading: ""A Beck goes Back!"" [to school].

Carlotta, Marshall, and Kathleen are horrified, and armed with paint and brushes go around town blocking out the Beck name. They're arrested.

When Carlotta returns home after spending a night in jail, she re

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January 31, 1983

Bootsie discovers a Civil War diary which contains clues to where gold is hidden in Toad Hall, thus igniting a family treasure hunt.

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February 14, 1983

The Becks are delighted when they learn that Toad Hall is regarded as a historical site, thus entitling them to tax exemption. However, they don't anticipate that as a historical site, they are required by law to conduct tours of the family mansion.

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The First Heir

2x11
June 8, 1983

When it's revealed that there's a large inheritance waiting for the first Beck grandchild, Marshall, Carlotta and Kathleen begin to scheme. Kathleen takes the opportunity to try to seduce Stanley. Marshall and Carlotta, on the other hand, decide to adopt a child, thinking that an adopted child would still be a Beck grandchild. Afraid that Bootsie will become pregnant before the adoption can be completed, the trio decide to keep the Westchesters apart -- Kathleen and Carlotta have slumber parties with Bootsie while Marshall keeps Wild Bill awake, telling him of his problems.

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Gold-digging Kathleen finds herself engaged to a rich old timer and the wedding's just days away. Marshall and Carlotta are excited because, by getting remarried, Kathleen forfeits her claim on Big Guy's money. Kathleen sees this as her last opportunity to seduce Stanley. But Kathleen's giddiness turns to despair when her finace announces that he's in love with Mother B. just moment before they are to be wed.

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