Frustrated while trying to buy a Christmas present for Lydia, John makes the unfortunate choice of an American flag as her gift. Lydia is not pleased, and when the people in the neighborhood learn of John's inappropriate gift, a group of them show up at the Monroe's accusing him of having his holidays confused.

When a neighborhood boy tries to tell Lydia about the facts of life, she responds by punching him in the mouth. While Ellen is mostly concerned that Lydia has given the boy a loose tooth, John attempts to discuss the concepts of inferiority and superiority with his daughter

When John begins collaborating on a book with a female writer, Ellen suspects he may really be having an affair instead.