Samantha and her friend Scottie from her baseball team decide to sit on the couch and watch some television. As they are intimidated by a love story, they talk about kissing, and they decide to try it. As Julie and Katie walk in on them, they suspect that they have been fooling around, and when the cheif finds out, he tells Samantha that after she kisses a boy she will end up pregnant. Due to this remark, Samantha mistakes that she can get pregnant from kissing, and seeks help from Julie, Nell, and Grandpa, but they aren't very good at it. Finally, when Nell sees Samantha crying in her room, she tells her that she thinks she is pregnant, and Nell tells her never to beleive what her father says because he is full of it, and she decides to teach her the facts of life.

While Nell is on the phone with Angie, her phone dies out and a second later a man from the phone company takes the phone away. She gets fed up and goes to the phone company to get it back, claiming that she did pay her bill, but the man there (Mr. Swackhammer) says that the computer called her ""Ms. Fong"", and that she is behind 3 months on it. She gets really aggrevated and pulls the phone out and ends up in Jail, where Simpson acts as a person with no typingt skills at all, jotting down Nell's info. Nell calls Hamilton Storm, Glenlawn's news reporter, and he flies to the scene, reporting that Nell had been wrongfully accused of not paying her phone bill. Mr. Swackhammer then gets a call from his boss, telling him to drop the charges on Nell, and Nell is let free. Nell is then rewarded with a bunch of new phones for the house, and installing them is Mr. Swackhammer, the new ""Telephone Installer"".

Katie and Julie go out on a double date as Samantha tells everyone to make room for Debbie Jo, an imaginary friend of hers. The Cheif thinks she is crazy and talks to Nell about sending her to a shrink. When the thought of Debbie Jo gets too far, the Chief grounds Samantha and goes up to her room and pretends to beat Debbie Jo up and tell Samantha that he doesn't want to send her to a shrink. Samantha runs to Nell and says she hates her father and then tells Nell that Debbie Jo is her only true friend and that no one plays with her anymore since Julie is now dating and has no time for her anymore. Nell tells Samantha to tell Debbie Jo she has to leave and she agrees. She puts her inside of her Jewelery box as she says a tearful goodbye to her and tells her that her mom's picture will watch over her that she keeps inside of it. Nell comforts Samantha who is finally over Debbie Jo.

When Grandma leaves to go see her sick sister who is about to have an operation, Grandpa is sent to live with the family for a few days. When he shows up he is nothing but trouble, as he wakes up in the middle of the night, bangs a bag of ice cubes on the counter to crush them, causes the garbage disposal to go insane, spies in on a neighbor's backside, and makes Nells puzzle fall the floor, only to vaccuum it up and wake everyone up. Nell gets mad and tells Grandpa that he is causing nothing but noise. When the Cheif tells him to stop doing the things he is doing, Grandpa leaves and goes to the mortuary. In the end, Nell shows up and tells Grandpa to come home and that she was sorry for acting the way she did to him.

Katie's friend, Valerie shows up at the Kanisky house with her new baby David. She tells the family that she and her husband Jonathan broke up since he left her for a bleached blonde lady at ""Kentucky Friend Chicken"". Valerie is serious about putting Dvid up for adoption, since she doesn't have a job to afford his upkeep. Nell and the girls take Valerie shopping for baby supplies and leave David with the Cheif, who grows attached to him. When the girls return home the Cheif tells Vallerie that they would have to kill him first before he lets her put David up for adoption and that the family will help her find a job. Nell then takes Valerie to a job interview to become a receptionist and uses her keen sense to drive off fellow competators for the job. In the end, everyone is glad to hear that Valerie got the job and can afford to keep David.

Nell hosts another one of her PORKO meetings at the house, where the head of the weight loss group shows up. When he arrives, the members of the group mock him for gaining all the weight he lose back. He tells them he is sorry and leaves. Shortly after Nell gets a phone call from him and realizes he is about to jump from the 13th floor of his hotel. Nell and the other members go to the hotel and get in the elevator but it stalls due to everyone insdie of it together. The elevator then safetly makes it's way back to the bottom floor as Nell takes the stairs and the PORKO members take the elevator. In the end, Nell talks the Dr. out of jumping off the balcony and everyone agrees to lose 2 pounds a week and stay on their diets.

Julie invites a handsome boy at school to come over to stud with her, but he falls for Katie, and the two go out. When Katie comes home, Julie and her have it out in a hilarious catfight of sister versus sister. In the end, Katie finds out that the boy knew Julie was Katies sister and wanted to go over the house so he would get a date with her. Katie and Julie final make up when Katie tells Julie what the boy told her.

Nell is out of town at her cousin's funeral as Simpson storms into the house and says that the Cheif was shot but is alright. The Cheif is mad at Simpson because he accidently shot him in his office when he showed a fellow officer his secret moves with his gun. As he shows the family how he performs the moves, he accidently shoots the gun again and the bullet smashes into the fish tank, killing Gertrude the goldfish. Soon everyoen learns that the Cheif has an assasin against him as Simpson is interviewed on the news, telling everyone he saved him from being shot dead by his gun. Samantha becomes obsessed that God is taking too many people around her and begins to talk to him about why he takes people away. In the end, Sam talks to Grandpa and he tells her that she should enjoy life and take it slowly and not have to worry about death anymore. When Nell returns from her cousins funeral, Samantha fills her in on what happened while she was away and she cannot beleive it, as Simpson shoot

Nell is woken up in the early hours of the morning by a neighbors barking dog. When the Cheif wakes up he sees that she is asleep at the kitchen table and she tells him why she didn't get enough sleep. He phones their neighbor to come over and have coffee and Nell tells her about her dog. She then leaves and Nell goes outside to throw his dog doo inside a bag and light it on fire as he bites her and she takes the neighbor and her dog to court. At court, the neighbor says that the dog never bit anyone before, and the case is dropped, until Simpson shows up and says the dig had bitten two people before and the case is open again, the lady is sued, and the dog will be put to sleep. However, Nell changes her mind and drops the case when she hears about the dog being put to sleep for what he did. The neighbor tells Nell that she will keep her dog inside at night from now on.

The Chief finds a cigarrette in his sock and questions each of the girls about it. When he finds out that Samantha and Katie don't smoke, he tears through Julie's room and then appologizes when she tells him she would never smoke. However, she smokes when he leaves the room but he catches her. She then moves to Grandma and Grandpa's after he hits her and it's up to him to get her to come home. He tells her that years before he and Margaret were smokers and he quit and so did she, but went on and off until it was too late and she got lung canger and died. In the end, Julie realizes that is the reason why he slapped her and she agrees to come home and stop smoking.

When Mr. Swackhammer shows up to inform the Cheif about the female officer who posed nude, he rushes into work and tells her she is fired. Once the town and the country get a hold of what happened, they are against what the Cheif did. Even the girls and Nell don't like how he fired the officer. The police station begins to be mobbed by angry women who picket and are forced to leave, and Simpsons mother shows up and hits the Cheif with her pocket book. If that wasn't enough, Hamilton Storm shows up to do a cover story on how unfair the Cheif is, just as a mad bomber shows up and is about to blow up the whole place.

The man who has a bomb strapped to him tells Simpson he knows him from some place. He realizes that he's seen him before at the singles bar. They both talk about how they can never pick up women, and how Simpson likes a woman officer but he can't have the courage to tell her. The man decides at the last second to stop the bomb and tells Simpson he will look him up when he is done his time in jail. Simpson then confesses to the Cheif that he sent a picture of the officer from the Christmas party to the magazine and that is why they chose her to model in it. The Cheif decides to take back his compliment of telling Simpson he is a hero. The Mayor of Glenlawn who is about to be re-elected tells the Cheif to re-hire the officer or else he will fire him. The Cheif decides to go to a live telecast taping with the Mayor and decides to hire the officer back. Simpson finally has the courage to tell the officer he likes her and she decides to go out with him.

Nell tells about her singing past with a doo-wop girl group. Nell and her two friends years before she met the Kanisky's decide to audition to get called back by a famous celebrity. However, the man likes the other two girls, and refuse Nell to be part of the group. Nell knows that the girls are going to visit her and havent seen her in years, and in the end she finds out they are fat like her, and lost their singing careers after they gained weight.

When Samantha reads Nell part of her essay she is doing on the Cheif for school, Nell tells her it would be a good idea to go to the police station and observe her father in his daily routine. When she gets there she observes several different scenarios. One scenario involves Mr. Swackhammer having a plumber arrested for stealing his toilet, which he claims flushes up and not down, since the plumber says he didn't pay for it after it was installed. Another Scenario involves a teenage girl that claims her dentist impregnanted her while she was under anesthesia, but the Cheif realizes it's a fraud story and knows that she is only trying to cover up for her boyfriend getting her pregnant and he volunteers to tell the girl's parents which she agrees to. The final scenario involves a mother and father worried about their missing baby in the supermarket. The father of the baby snaps and doesn't like the way the Cheif handles the job. However, in the end, the child is brought to the police st