Ray is a moderately successful writer of trashy horror stories and Colin is his idle friend who lives off him while simultaneously complaining about the rent that he's only theoretically paying. They live contented mundane lives sure in the knowledge that everyone is an idiot except them. Nothing could possibly ever surprise them and that's as it should be.

When Ray develops writer's block and can't think of anything remotely scary to scare his 'idiot readers' with, there's a real problem that their cash supply may dry up. After reading a brochure Colin comes up with the idea of spending a weekend at 'the scariest guesthouse in Britain' - Guesthouse Fear. On arrival the place seems uninspiring with its spray-on cobwebs and hapless hosts, Mr and Mrs Pandemic, but as Colin and Ray soon find out, truly terrifying treats lurk behind every door.

Recently sacked from his role as resident psychiatrist on Celebrity Jungle Jam, Ted is broke - more broke than his wife Sandra realises - and he needs money fast. He invites a group of old university friends to a remote country hall for the weekend. They think it's an all expenses paid trip to a luxury hotel. The reality is that he has brought them together with the intention of conducting an experiment. The plan is to see how these smug people deal with hardship while trapped in a primitive house far away from their creature comforts. The result? A foolproof new reality TV format that will net Ted a fortune… or so he hopes.

Sandra is not pleased to hear about Ted's plan, especially when she learns that the house is allegedly cursed. When Ted disappears without a trace terrible events ensue. Is this part of Ted's game or is it the curse of Clanque Hall at work?