Johnny is Fatty Nuggets' 1,000,000th customer and wins a cruise. Johnny is not at all interested until he hears that women will be on the cruise. Unfortunately Johnny gets on the wrong boat. Captain Spleen is not impressed with Johnny's attempt to party with the rowing slaves. Watch the captain's shoulder for a changing assortment of animals including a flamingo and bucket of chicken.

Johnny runs out of Mr. Kevin's Triple Strength Hair Cement and finds out that they factory shut down and so there is none anywhere. He buys a bunch of other gels trying to find another one that will

Johnny doesn't listen to his Mama's advice and he rips up a chain letter. This results in a long run of bad luck and a timely appearance by Dionne Warwick.

Johnny wants to make a special dinner for his mother and buys a lobster but it won't cooperate.

After smashing Carl's newest computer, wrecking Mama's flowers and letting Suzy's balloon float away, Johnny wishes he was never born! Then Maurice the guardian angel shows Johnny what life would be like if he was never born in this superb parody of It's A Wonderful Life!

When Johnny loses his mother in a store, he is given away to a foster family in the arctic.

Johnny receives help from Luke Perry to obtain a date.

When Johnny meets Enormous Ferguson the famous basketball player and wants to help him and his the Pogatuck Ferrets take on the Townsville Titans!

Johnny checks into a spa to get pampered and meet girls. The manager sees how many toxins are in his system and decides that she will take him as her project that will ""put her spa on the map.""