On the run for the past 22 days. Borrowed five grand from my Uncle Harry. Used cover identities to stay one step ahead of the law. Anonymously contacted the FBI, CIA and the Defense Department about the alien experiment that killed my wife. As expected, I got no response.

Headed to Potomac, Maryland, in search of a man known as "Crazy" Eddie Nambulous. He's the publisher of The Paranoid Times. It's on the Web. The masthead says "Believe the Unbelievable." If anyone ever needed a believer, it's me.

Eddie was skeptical of my story that Hannah was cloned and I was part of an alien experiment. He dismissed the aliens as yesterday's news. Claimed the government was behind secret cloning experiments. He told me his friend Dean Hormeth had stolen some evidence from a cloning lab that would reveal the ‘conspiracy of the century.'