Matty zmusza Teda do pójścia z Johnem do szkoły, miś stara się z niej wylecieć. Część pierwsza z dwóch.

Próba zemsty na szkolnym chuliganie niespodziewanie stawia Teda i Johna w roli rodziców.

Ted i John są gotowi zrobić wszystko, aby John mógł obejrzeć swój pierwszy film dla dorosłych.

Ted's plan to spend Halloween with John is thwarted when Blaire forces him to be her designated driver for the night. Susan tries to cheer John up by finding him a new friend.

Blaire convinces Matty and Susan to let Ted act as their marriage therapist. After the session, Ted, John and Blaire encourage Susan to pursue the career she abandoned long ago.

Matty's unorthodox Christmas wish is granted, completely upending the Bennett family dynamic. A trip to church gets John and Ted wondering about Ted's miraculous origin.

As the end of the school year approaches, Ted plots to help John lose his virginity after John learns he is the last virgin in school.