Peter gets a vasectomy and loses all his sex drive. Lois begins to gain weight, and as a result, Peter's regains his interest in his wife. When Lois' habits get out of control, she has a heart attack. The surgeon must remove Lois' fat to reach her heart, returning her to her normal weight. Meanwhile, Stewie's half-brother Bertram returns to confront him, where they have a war for control over the playground.

Chris is approached to join the military. Brian goes to the recruiting headquarters to voice his opinion, when Stewie signs himself and Brian up for the military. They pass Boot Camp and are shipped to Iraq, where they try to get honorably discharged by doing anything they can. Meanwhile, Chris decides to join a goth band.

Lois discovers that Chris has some bad information about sex and she volunteers to teach a sex-ed class at the high school. Some parents become upset with her brutal honesty, and they have her replaced. A conservative christian comes to Quahog and gets rid of the condoms at James Woods High. As a result the kids find an interesting loophole. Meanwhile Stewie, terrified of the Tooth Fairy, decides to set traps to destroy him.

Lois gets a job as the church organist, so the family decides to begin going back to church. When Stewie gets sick after receiving communion, the congregation becomes convinced that he has been possessed by the devil. While on the run, the family ends up in Texas, where Peter begins to fit right in with the cowboys, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant, and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush's house.

After being pregnant for seven years, Bonnie finally gives birth to a beautiful baby girl named Susie! Stewie quickly falls for the little tyke and vows to do anything to win her heart and get in her diaper. Meanwhile, Joe borrows $20,000 from a bookie to pay for Bonnie's medical bills, but then plans to steal the money from Mr. Pewterschmidt to pay his debt.

When Brian discovers that his beloved Jillian is getting married, he hits the sauce to drown his sorrows. The next morning, he wakes up with more than a hangover. After realizing he has hooked up with "The Hills" star Lauren Conrad, he wants to run and hide. When Brian discovers Lauren is nothing like how she's portrayed on TV, he thinks he may have found his perfect match – if only he can let Jillian go.

After attending to the concert of a teen superstar, Stewie discovers a surprising secret about the singer. Meanwhile back at home, Chris tries to prove the existence of the Evil Monkey.

In this murder mystery special, The Griffins as well as all the other major characters become trapped in a mansion while they are killed off one by one.

Peter retells the story of Return of the Jedi.

Brian discovers that his new blind girlfriend can't stand dogs, and Peter cannot negotiate his way down the new staircase.

When Meg learns her crush is gay and interested in Chris, she uses her brother to get closer to him.

Quagmire dates a woman named Sonja, who is just as sexually active as he is, but things take a turn for the worse when she kidnaps him to be her sex slave, so Peter, Joe and Ida must search the seedy back alleys of Quahog to rescue him. In the meantime, Brian, Stewie and Rupert get involved in a most unusual love triangle.

On the night before Thanksgiving, Brian and Peter drunkenly devour the holiday bird, and then must go out to find a replacement. In Peter absence, Chris attempts to step up and become the man of the house.

Peter, Cleveland and Joe come across a VHS tape called “Winter/Summer” an Asian soap opera that Quagmire starred in when he was living in Korea. Unable to find the final episode of the series, the guys travel to Korea to find it and Quagmire is reunited with his old lover. Meanwhile, Stewie worries he might become a redhead.

Rob Gronkowski moves into the house behind the Griffins. Stewie raises bees and sells honey at the farmers market.

Stewie and Brian get into a friendship-ending fight after Brian commits a terrible act to one of Stewie's beloved toys. Meanwhile, Peter refuses to wash his hand after meeting his favorite breakfast cereal mascot, Boo Berry.

After Lois reads a new book on the joys of decluttering, she challenges the rest of the Griffins to throw anything out of the house that does not spark joy. While all starts out well, Lois soon takes the decluttering to a surprising extreme.