When Stan enters an essay contest to have his personal hero, President Bush, come over for dinner, he is overcome with joy when the President arrives at his doorstep. However, not everyone in the Smith family shares Stan's excitement. Hayley tries to drill President Bush on the Iraq war, and Steve and Roger attempt to convince him that they've found Osama Bin Laden, but instead get him drunk. Stan tries to save the President from public humiliation, while Hayley revels in his fall from glory.

When Stan feels like he's not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor. Meanwhile, Hayley sees her father's new business model as an atrocity and takes matters into her own hands by calling Uncle Sam.

When Roger is rejected by Steve, who seems to be over him, Roger heads out in search of a new human companion. But when this new friend starts to abuse Roger and the relationship turns into a lot of excuses and sorry's, Steve and Hayley scheme to get Roger out of the bad relationship and back home where he belongs. Meanwhile, Stan tours the Mr. Pibb factory and meets the man himself.

While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he's mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.

Stan arrives late to a CIA nuclear drill and thinks it's real. He decides to move the family into the mountains to survive the apocalypse. Even though he realizes his error, he begins to enjoy the attention that he gets from the family so much that he doesn't tell them the truth. However, when the family meets a mountain man and learns the truth, Stan has some explaining to do.

Stan sets Bullock up on a date with one of Francine's friends. Fearing that Francine will be right about the outcome of the date, Stan goes to great lengths to make sure it goes well by getting everyone drunk. Unfortunately, Bullock accidentally kills the woman, to which Stan frames Francine for the murder in order to keep her from asking so many questions.

After Stan discovers that Francine has a secret sex garden, he feels like their marriage may be crumbling. Looking to rekindle their romance, Francine asks for a divorce so that Stan can experience life as a bachelor again, and both learn a valuable lesson in love. Meanwhile, addicted to an energy drink, Steve finds himself panhandling in the streets to support his new habit.

When Stan brings home CIA equipment designed to eavesdrop on conversations, he finds out that his neighbors don't think too highly of him. In retaliation, Stan has the entire neighborhood evicted so that he can live free of any criticism. However, when an unexpected friend comes to his rescue, he realizes that gossip is a two-way street.

After Stan is prosecuted for sending contaminated cattle to a slaughterhouse, he says that it began as a quest to make a man out of Steve. Meanwhile, Roger sparks a cat fight between Francine and Hayley, for reasons of his own.

Roger becomes a bounty hunter, and he and Stan race cross-country to turn in Jeff, who is wanted for smuggling pot into Florida.

Francine demands that Stan take the family on a vacation after she learns all of their previous vacations never actually happened: The CIA had planted artificial memories of the "vacations" in their brains so Stan could ditch them. Meanwhile, Roger wants to be a thespian.

After Stan punches a male meter maid during a disagreement over a parking ticket, a judge sentences him to two weeks of community service--as a meter maid. Meanwhile, Hayley poses in the nude for an art class, where one of the artists turns out to be Roger.

Stan prays for a friend and one is provided: a guy named Brett who's like him in every way but one--he's an atheist. So Stan has some evangelizing to do. Meanwhile, Steve is accepted into wizardry school.

Stan seeks out Francine's birth parents because her visiting adoptive parents annoy him so much. But they don't annoy Steve, especially after they give him fireworks.

Stan, who had Hayley brainwashed because he wanted her to be a sleeper CIA agent, activates her and orders her to marry a senator's son. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve decide to open a detective agency like the ones in the '70s TV shows they have been watching.

Although Stan is a veteran CIA agent, it turns out that he has never killed anyone, so three of his buddies from the agency (and Roger) take him out so he can bag his "first kill."

Terry and Greg, the Smiths' gay neighbors, want to have a baby, and Francine offers to be their surrogate. Not surprisingly, Stan objects. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play a practical joke on Klaus, who vows revenge.

Stan and Francine give the constantly nasty Roger an ultimatum: Be nice or ship out. Meanwhile, Klaus and Hayley play truth or dare, and Steve decides to become a backup dancer.