Frankie accidentally hits Brick in the head with a beer bottle when trying to get the trash out before the garbage truck leaves. But when Brick innocently tells his school that the scratch was caused by his mother throwing a beer bottle at him, a social worker comes to evaluate the Heck family. Meanwhile, Bob helps Mr. Ehlert shoot a commercial for the car lot.

Axl is heartbroken when his girlfriend (Alexa Vega) breaks up with him; Sue and Brick watch a scary movie.

Parent-Teacher conferences cause Frankie to worry about the kids. In them she's told Axl is gifted but not applying himself, that her teachers still do not know who Sue is, and Brick may have to repeat the second-grade due to failure to return over 30 library books. Guest star Betty White as the school librarian.

Frankie comes up with a plan to stay on top of her kids' schedules; Brick's new teacher (Doris Roberts) accuses Frankie of being overprotective.

While shopping for baby diapers for Sue, who has run out of them on a baby-sitting job, Frankie is completely humiliated when a clerk assumes she's shopping for adult diapers. Meanwhile, after getting on Mike's case to get a physical exam because she thinks men tend to fall apart faster than women as they age, Frankie proceeds to throw out her back and hides it from Mike, who tells her he received a clean bill of health from the doctor; a clueless Sue falls for Axl's friend, Sean, who barely notices her existence; and Brick begins to test all of the age-old urban legends parents tell their kids - such as not to swallow a watermelon seed for fear one will grow in their belly - after discovering Frankie has used these white lies on him in the past.