Part 1 of 2. Brought to Brinkley Court by Aunt Dahlia to give prizes at the Market Snodsbury Grammar School, Bertie comes up with a scheme to both help Gussie Fink-Nottle's new romance with Madeline Basset as well as get himself out of the prize-giving.

Part 2 of 2. To get Gussie to propose to Madeline Jeeves slips a little something into his orange juice before he presents prizes at the grammar school. Unfortunately, so does Bertie. Things go downhill from there when Bertie rings the fire bell.

Aunt Dahlia sends Bertie to sneer at an 18th century cow creamer in order to reduce the price for Uncle Tom. But when he makes a mess of the job rival silver collector Sir Watkin Bassett gets ahold of it. So Bertie goes off to Totleigh Towers where everyone either wants Bertie to steal the cow-creamer, or threatens to beat him to a jelly if he does. Stiffy Byng, Stinker Pinker, and Aunt Dahlia being of the former category, and the Amateur Dictator Roderick Spode and Sir Watkin Bassett being of the latter.

In order to help overcome his fear of Roderick Spode and Sir Watkin Bassett, Gussie Fink-Nottle writes down a notebook full of scornful thoughts about each of them. When he misplaces the notebook it falls into all the wrong peoples' hands, and desirable engagements are broken and undesirable ones formed like never before.