If nothing else, Embrace of the Vampire sets the bar even lower than the 1995 film of which it is a remake. That particular bar, mind you, was already so low that perhaps only Barbados Slim could passed under it; then again, there was no way that a new version of the film that first gave us Alyssa Milano in all her glorious full-frontal nudity wouldn’t be a let down. People, mostly of the female persuasion, undress and have sex here, but they’re just nameless, faceless naked bodies.

The action, such as it is, takes place in the small, fictional North Summit college. How do I know it’s small?... read the rest.